Joining the ranks

My last post was an email from my mother. While the email itself was moving the text that mom supplied was more than enough to send me over the edge.

She wrote, "For you: one of a set of my most treasured achievements. And now my sweet Cathedral Craftswoman, pass this on to the other young/new craftswomen you know...because it's easy to lose sight of the "why" behind the building."

My entire mother-lifetime of 2 years, 9 months, 1 week and 3 days I have spent living in two different worlds. Between the hours of 7 to 4 I am a teacher to hundreds of students. My own children get sent to back burner so to speak -- often I am so entangled with my job I am unable to leave if my kids get sick at school. After 4 I go home to be mommy and do all the things that mommies do -- I just have to cram everything into a few hours each night. I have often felt that my cathedrals are being built by someone else, that I am at best an aloof foreman on the project.

Not so anymore. While most of my social friends (read non-work) know, the official word hasn't reached my collegues -- I am taking back my construction projects. As of June 2, 2008, I will officially take a position as full-time mommy. I am leaving the classroom after 4 years to join the ranks of stay-at-home-mommies. To be completely candid, I have never been more nervous and terrified. It is true that I stay home in the summer with the boys but summer ends and I have a place to escape to if I so choose. Additionally, as the previous post included, I am a bit afraid of losing myself. I worked hard to become a good teacher. In four years I have accomplished things I expected to take a lifetime working for; there are things on the horizon that will take me from the classroom and place me in an administrative role making serious curriculum decisions not only for my school but for the entire district. The power I would have is dizzying. But I am willingly walking away from all of that...and that scares me just a little. So the previous post spoke volumes to me -- not only because in one small sentence my mother acknowledged me as one of her greatest achievements and as a member of the race of mothers but also because it solidified for me the wonderful task on which I am about to embark.

On days when changing another pair of dirty pants or cleaning up one more milk spill might just send me over the edge, I hope I can think back to this email and to the words of my mother and remember that while things might look an awful mess to me, that something wonderful is in the works.