Jack's wish

As he placed a whole, unbaked, sugar cookie dough round in his mouth, realizing it didn't quite fit, Jack exclaimed, "I wish my mouth was bigger!"

Why do I always choose flight?

If given the choice between fight or flight, why do I always choose flight? Especially in situations dealing with my kids, why don't I choose the fight option more often? Why am I so willing to flee than fight for my kiddos? I'm having one of those "I suck at this mommy business days" -- you know the ones where you take a retrospective look at events and your actions and reactions and realize that you failed your kids in a royal way. Well, that's my today. The events don't matter much but my reaction to them matters. When I should have been strong and brave and forthright and outspoken and a MOM I chose to be timid, quiet, passive. Are my kids going to pay for it? I hope not. Oh Lord I hope not. All this made me think about this mother rhino I encountered at Disney once. My sister reached her arm precariously over the side of the moving vehicle in an attempt to interact with an adorable baby rhino. Mommy Rhino was having none of it and was ready to attack Kristen and the moving vehicle all in an effort to defend her young. I should be more like that -- ready to protect my kids regardless of the source of harm. Rather what do I choose? I choose far too often to let my fear of rejection, my need for acceptance stifle my natural, God-given (and often justified) instinct to protect.


I was reminded (again) today how much I've been taught about faith since becoming a mother. You wanna know a humbling thought? Paul said he counted his gains as loss for Christ and His glory. I often choose not to stand up for my kids (while a lot of thought doesn't go into the decision, it is a choice nonetheless) because I am afraid of losing...losing comfort, losing friends, losing acceptance. How much more should my desire be to fight for my King?!?!! And how much more do I fail!!?!


A kick to the knee, a punch to the stomach, a hit to the head -- after the past few days my spiritual self is feeling a little beat up. Time to focus not on how much and how frequently I fail but to crawl into a lap and glory in perfect love. And after that what's needed? A good long talk in the mirror to answer the question I always ask Jack, "what did we learn from this?".

Shame on you Motrin

As a baby-wearing mama I take this ad to heart. Apparently the ad-guys over at Motrin forgot their key demographic. Way to alienate consumers!! From experience I can say that most, if not all, of the claims made in the ad are completely false. Sam did actually cry less, my back was far less strained when he was in his sling than in his carrier or my arms, I felt more relaxed because I felt more like a person than a baggage handler, and on and on. I hope Motrin wises up and fixes this faux-pas. (I thought about ending this with a cute little pun but they were all dumb so I left well enough alone.)

Vent

I've been wanting to compose a vent of my own for some time now -- a diatribe of the wrongs and ills in my life -- a giant of scream of "IT'S NOT FAIR!!". But I simply can't bring myself to do it; it seems that everytime I sit down to write my vent all my thoughts are turned to others facing huge crises on their own. I read today of a sweet young lady coming to grips with her imminent death and of another couple facing the reality of a failed adoption. My problems...well they aren't really problems at all are they?? Basically all I want to do is a little I, I, I, I, I, me, me, me, me, me, why, why, why -- when what I should focus on is Him, Him, Him. Humbling...

Separation of Church and sex

An interesting and much needed take on sex in the church today. For far too long has the contemporary church been silent on this issue and unfortunately our culture is paying the price. Haven't seen the sermon but I have to send kudos for shaking the foundations of the unchurched -- this certainly isn't what most assume they'll hear from the comfort of the pew.

Mayonnaise from Heaven

Children's versions of Bible stories are always the best, and I'm not referring to the stories in children's Bibles but rather the stories from the very mouths of the littlest ones. It is such a blessing to see in action the faith of the child and I find these stories at times just as challenging as the sermons I hear. Jack came home yesterday talking about Moses and his bread with worms -- it figures the part he remembers best is the worms, that's a boy for you! After he told us the story I asked him if he knew what the bread from heaven was called and he said, "It was mayonnaise from Heaven." Despite our attempts at correction he was sure that he in fact knew better than his parents. While a humorous episode in our house Luke and I exchanged glances knowing the spiritual growth we were watching; tiny sprouts of faith were poking their heads through the soil of Jack's heart because a teacher took the time to plant the seeds with stories of Moses and the "mayonnaise from Heaven."
Thank you God for your ways that are higher than ours, for your thoughts that are greater. Teach us to cultivate this faith, to water it and nourish it and tend to it as it grows that it might become an oak of righteousness.

WOW

I consider myself a relatively eduated person: I have a college degree, a few hours in a master's program (that I'll probably never finish but that's a different post), I've worked in a specialized field, I read when time permits -- I mean I figure I've got a decent grasp on the world of "to-know." At least I thought I did until I came across a particular advertisement. Luke forwarded this to me -- I think secretly to test my skills of deduction (I failed miserably, by the way!). The ad was entitled, "wow char for sale"; immediately the English teacher in me assumed that char was really chair, a product of a simple typographical error. Boy was I wrong -- the first line of the ad proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt reading, "1 Undead Mage level 70 Char with both pvp/pve sets. All epics, no blues" WHAT??? The longer I read the VERY lengthy ad the more I became certain my brain was going to implode -- the letters I know, even some of the words I know but I couldn't make sense of what it was saying. Finally, after a little help from Luke, I realized that the ad in question was selling a character for the popular game World of Warcraft. Did you know people sell these characters? And how much do you suppose a character goes for in the gaming world? I bet you aren't guessing high enough as this particular ad wants a whopping $650 for it's character. I didn't pay that much for my kitchen table! Now I've splurged in my time on items some might deem ridiculous -- the sassy Stuart Weitzman shoes I wore on my honeymoon for example -- but I cannot imagine paying $650 for a FILE on a computer server with which to play a game. I almost choked when I realized it was going to cost $150 for Jack to play little league basketball IN REAL LIFE. So I ask, in all serious, did you know this world existed? If you are part of this world, PLEASE explain to this very ignorant blogger the value of such a file that would prompt anyone to part with that much money.

Walking in Other Shoes

We've all heard it, that phrase in its many variations that demands empathy declaring it beneficial; those of us in education have used it to instruct the young be they students or our own brood -- walk in someone else's shoes, how does it make you feel, think about what that means to others...

While an upright and correct way to teach the young, I have stumbled upon one small problem with our method. At some point we must instruct, we must be taught that to live in the shoes of others is to stop living our own lives. Living vicariously often leads to not living at all. The evidence to this truth is pervasive: Sam inevitably sits on the sidelines and watches Jack perform and only when I separate the two does Sam begin to stretch his wings, to experiment with his own existence; voracious readers find themselves sucked deeply into the lives, the worlds of their favorite story (consider the Harry Potter and Twilight phenomenon). I doubt that Sam is consciously aware of the often vicarious nature of his relationship with Jack -- right now he is simply in hero-worship awe of his big brother. The danger creeps in at the very moment he decides that watching is better than doing, hence the mommy-forced separation -- there is a need for both to develop without the other. But others, more advanced on the life journey do realize this break from reality (or if they do not represent an even larger concern) and it is to that group that I first relate and then issue caution.

So let me see some listening ears all you dreamers. Be careful in your dreaming you do not lose sight of the real, be watchful in your vicariousness you do not brake the realities unfolding in your own life, be cautious in your empathy you do not lose sight of your path. It's a thin line between dreaming and coveting, between taking a step in someone else's shoes and losing your own.

And in case you were wondering -- my listening ears, the ones who need to hear this the most, are wide open.

I won't say I told you so but...

A conversation I had with Jack this afternoon post-school.

Jack: Is there a baby in your tummy, mommy?
Me: (in my most offended tone, thinking "doesn't this kid know I've just lost 20 lbs??!!") NO!
Jack: why not?
Me: Remember, the baby came out. He's sitting right over there (point toward Sam).
Jack: Do you have any more babies in there?
Me: Nope, no more babies.
Jack: why not?
Me: because. there just aren't any more babies in there
Jack: well there should be. we need more babies.
Me: oh yeah, how many more babies do we need?
Jack (holds up ten fingers spread wide): BUNCHES!!
Me (laughing): really? should we have them all at once or one at a time.
Jack (eyes roll up to the right as he ponders this): whatever!

And then he ran off to play. I told you it would come up again, this idea of more babies. I wish I knew where he was getting it!

My cotton baby

We researched, we purchased and then we did a trial; the result -- add my name to the list of cloth diapering mamas. I love my cd's!! It hasn't been any more difficult than disposables and I know I've saved money and did a little to help the environment too. There are some things I've had to re-think (outings to playgroup for example) but a little thinking never hurt anyone, right?! Sam doesn't seem to mind the change although he is ready for mom to figure out those prefolds already!! Right now we are using a combo of one-size pocket diapers (these look just like a standard disposable diap) and prefolds (more traditional cloth diap) and truthfully I like them both equally. The pockets are easier right now because like I not-so-subtly alluded to earlier I haven't quite gotten the knack to a good fold for the pre-fold but that should come with a little practice.

Here's what we are using: bumgenius 3.0 one size pockets, happy heiny's one size pockets, and mommy's touch one size pockets; bleached Chinese pre-folds and bummi's super whisper cover. I haven't tried snappi's with the pre-folds because I'm a little nervous about snapping some man business in the process! And don't even think about suggesting a pin -- I can barely get earrings into already made holes! We tried a bumwear one size pocket but had a problem getting a good fit in the leg area.

I know some cd'ing moms check in here periodically so send any advice you may have this way! Detergent recommendations (right now I am using Tide powder)? Folding tricks?

A big THANKS to my friend Misty who, despite having her sweet baby a little over a week ago, has tirelessly answered my million and one questions and got me on my way to cd'ing success!!

Hope and a future

On a day with frightening possibilities lurking just beyond the horizon it is easy for me to lose sight of how things actually work in life. My God is in control. I thought I would post a few things that have brought me a little peace amidst the anxiety of the day.

Scripture shared by my dear friend Andrea
Deuteronomy 17:18 "...be sure to select as king the man the LORD your God chooses."
Proverbs 11:14 "Without wise leadership, a nation falls..."
James 1:5-6 "If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as usettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed be the wind."
Job 28:23&28 "God alone understands the way to wisdom; he knows where it can be found. And this is what he says to all humanity: 'The fear of the Lord is true wisdom; to forsake evil is real understanding,'"
1 Timothy 2:1-4 "I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them. Pray this way for kings and all who are in authority so that we can live peaceful and quiet lives marked by godliness and dignity. This is good and pleases God our Savior, who wants everyone to be saved and to understand the truth."

A blog post by Omar Garcia on Expectant Faith

Church Franchises

We did a lot of driving this weekend -- out to Pearland, back to Katy, then back to Pearland and then back to Katy. I don't mind these trips; they usually give Luke and me the opportunity to talk to one another about anything and nothing. These are the few times when we are able to spill ideas like we did when we were dating.

I noticed something interesting this time. I don't know if this is a phenomenon elsewhere but it appears as though Houston has a sudden quickly growing crop of what can only be termed as franchise churches. These franchise churches started out like any other church but have grown to such massive sizes that the pastors have decided a second location is warranted. These franchise churches aren't daughter churches born from the greats, set out with some support to make their own way and their own impact. Rather these are shoots of the original -- empty shells all to be filled on Sunday with the same man in the pulpit. Some of these franchises are limited to one or two "campuses", usually separated by the sprawling metropolis of Houston, one on the North side and the other to the south, with staggered service times allowing the pastor to make his way via motorcade to each campus. Others of these franchises are spread throughout the city, meeting in movie theaters where the Sunday morning sermon is watched via closed circuit television; members get the message without the drive to the main campus.

I have to wonder as I pass these franchise churches (one of which has a campus just down the street from my home) what logic bore them. What thought entered the minds of the men in charge that led them to believe that rather than plant new churches it would be better to expand the original? Was it Greed? Pride? Or something more wholesome and less sinister? Our home church has planted 3 daughter churches in recent history -- two since we joined two years ago. And to these churches we have a responsibility -- to plant them isn't to send them out and hope they succeed but rather to tend to and care for, to support in prayer, in word, in deed and in $$ until each is capable to sustain itself in the task of reaching it's specific community. Why did we plant each? There was a need and God himself spoke to members of the congregation, calling them to meet this need. The entire process seems completely logical and more importantly Biblical...which brings me back to my original question. What is the motivation to found the franchise church? How do they foster true Biblical community, where members "do life" together and are more than Sunday morning greeting exchangers? Have these churches sacrificed so many important things in the name of convenience? Or, again less sinister, are these churches meeting a real need, ministering to a forgotten and typically unreached people group, filling a void that the typical church left gaping?

I'm not certain I know the answer. I know what seems to be the answer but I could be totally off-base for who am I to judge the hearts of man?