July 15th...

D-Day is quickly approaching -- discovery day that is. I'm almost crazy with anticipation about finding out Chicken Tart's gender. (side bar -- Jack decided that we should name the baby Chicken Tart. Since I couldn't think of anything else to call it we went with Chicken Tart or CT for short). But it seems that there is also a strange and rather unexpected emotion bubbling under the surface. The more people ask about CT the more I encounter those individuals that make me want to plan a trip to the hills for that date in July, taking with me the revelation we discover. I call them the Girl Group. The Girl Group consists of individuals who obviously have a preference for this baby's gender -- as if they get a say. The only questions asked by this group revolve around girls -- names, nurseries, clothes, etc. If a member of the GG happens to ask about boys the change in tone and facial interest is remarkable, seeming to be more out of necessity than actual curiosity. The members of the GG often make comments about how I "deserve a girl this time" as if I did something bad to get the two boys I already have; they say things like "hopefully this time it's your girl" as if the first two children were pulls from God's great grab-bag that simply didn't work out in my favor, as if all women are entitled to having a daughter.

What scares me the most about the Girl Group is the fear of disappointment I can see hiding behind their fake "what if it's a boy" smiles. (which by the way -- when I hear that question I have to choke on the urge to answer "well I guess we'll shove him back in there and try to pull out another.") The news of this pregnancy wasn't met with complete joy -- there were more than a handful of people that were less than excited. Facing that realization, having the joy of the moment sucked out was brutal. I don't want to do that again. I don't want to announce July 15th "It's a boy!" only to be met with pity smiles and comments like "well at least you don't have to buy more clothes". No sentence should start "well at least" when referring to the upcoming arrival of a new life. We went into this pregnancy honestly expecting a boy; precedent has been set after all. We didn't have this baby to try to get a girl; we're having this baby to grow our family. Truly if we find out we're expecting a 3rd boy we will be thrilled -- we're already talking about the 3 amigos. If it's a girl we'll be equally excited. The only reason we are finding out gender early at all is so we can put a name to the little person wiggling around in my mid-section (a name other than Chicken Tart that is).

So as July 15th approaches I find myself simultaneously wishing the hours would fly by all the while hoping they slow to a crawl. I think I may not reveal right away -- perhaps I'll keep things just to myself, relish and delight in the news for a while before I share things and the new is rubbed off and the joy is tarnished. But then again I've never been good at keeping secrets...

A writing mess

Forgive the last post -- no I won't delete it. It seems I've put away the writing tools a bit too long as getting back in this saddle isn't coming as easily as I'd hoped. Hoping to improve as time passes...

Mommy Advice

I have several friends who have either just had or are about to have their first baby (none of these are in my ABF as it seems we are all single-mindedly focused on "be fruitful and multiply" to the extreme...). With the new additions often come the requests for recommendations and advice. After enduring mountains of unsolicited and often unhelpful advice with Jack I'm reticent to offer advice without a specific request. At the same time I can't help but think of all the things I wish I had known, things I would have done differently, tips and tricks I see as lifesavers. Recently I began to think of the ONE thing I would tell a new mom or mom-to-be; what one piece of advice would I impart (I have more than one but no one wants to be inundated!) if I had the chance. It seems quite simply that I would say, "Do what works for you." Before you back away in alarm, remember who's speaking -- I'm not one for the "whatever feels right is right" mantra in almost every situation. Outside of basic child-rearing techniques (not shaking baby, feeding and changing regularly -- the stuff CPS would bust you on if you failed to do...) however, I have to admit that the best piece of advice I can give it simply that.

I carried mountains of guilt with Jack (and Sam too...) regarding the things I thought I should be doing, the ways I was failing him and on and on and on. It wasn't until my very logical husband pointed it out that I realized it didn't matter what the experts, the books, my friends and family said -- what mattered was what worked for us. We let both boys sleep on their stomachs (gasp); we formula fed both boys after a few months; we never let baby sleep in our room (with Sam we didn't even use a monitor!); we never wake a sleeping baby -- EVER; we changed pediatricians when Jack was a few months old because our relationship with the first soured; we both worked out of the home until Sam was 6 months old and Jack was almost 3; our boys were offered pacifiers immediately; we switched regularly between breast and bottle while I was nursing -- mama needed a little sleep every now and then!; we let our boys cry it out at night (and it didn't always work! Jack made himself sick doing it and trust me sleeping baby in the arms is more preferable to a crying one sitting in his own puke any day!). Now we answer honestly just about every question Jack has; we let Sam test his own physical limitations by climbing and running and jumping; we welcome messes made as the boys explore their world; we spank when the boys misbehave and also discuss the problems with them (yes...even Sam gets conversations about his behavior); we strive to provide as many opportunities for growth in areas that seem to be natural gifts for each boy (Sam's right now is in the physical world while Jack's often falls in the realm of philosophical).

And you want to know the basis for all these decisions? It wasn't a particular book or Bible study; it wasn't an idea stolen from a friend or a respected mentor. It was simply us doing what works best for our family. Some decisions were born out of a philosophical belief and others from a practical one but all developed because they worked for us. It's taken a long time for us to learn this lesson and I have my suspicions that we haven't quite achieved mastery -- but we're getting closer.

So to the new moms and moms-to-be out there: jump in with both feet, try things out -- if they don't work, feel free and confident to change without fear of permanent damage! And to those of us with littles underfoot all ready (yes us -- I need a reminder probably more than all of you), remember you're Mom -- God put you in that position which means He knows you have what it takes to get the job done for your brood.

100 years...

I know...it seems like 100 years since I posted last. And truth be told, the muse has left me for a while so there isn't much to say now. I blame it on the new baby -- sucking all the available blood from my brain and funneling it to my uterus. Nonetheless, a post to say I'm alive, we're alive, all's well. I have a few things brewing...we'll see if they ever make it to publication. For now this will have to suffice -- the boys are nearing the end of lunch and it's time I started the clean-up and nap process.