Mommy Advice

I have several friends who have either just had or are about to have their first baby (none of these are in my ABF as it seems we are all single-mindedly focused on "be fruitful and multiply" to the extreme...). With the new additions often come the requests for recommendations and advice. After enduring mountains of unsolicited and often unhelpful advice with Jack I'm reticent to offer advice without a specific request. At the same time I can't help but think of all the things I wish I had known, things I would have done differently, tips and tricks I see as lifesavers. Recently I began to think of the ONE thing I would tell a new mom or mom-to-be; what one piece of advice would I impart (I have more than one but no one wants to be inundated!) if I had the chance. It seems quite simply that I would say, "Do what works for you." Before you back away in alarm, remember who's speaking -- I'm not one for the "whatever feels right is right" mantra in almost every situation. Outside of basic child-rearing techniques (not shaking baby, feeding and changing regularly -- the stuff CPS would bust you on if you failed to do...) however, I have to admit that the best piece of advice I can give it simply that.

I carried mountains of guilt with Jack (and Sam too...) regarding the things I thought I should be doing, the ways I was failing him and on and on and on. It wasn't until my very logical husband pointed it out that I realized it didn't matter what the experts, the books, my friends and family said -- what mattered was what worked for us. We let both boys sleep on their stomachs (gasp); we formula fed both boys after a few months; we never let baby sleep in our room (with Sam we didn't even use a monitor!); we never wake a sleeping baby -- EVER; we changed pediatricians when Jack was a few months old because our relationship with the first soured; we both worked out of the home until Sam was 6 months old and Jack was almost 3; our boys were offered pacifiers immediately; we switched regularly between breast and bottle while I was nursing -- mama needed a little sleep every now and then!; we let our boys cry it out at night (and it didn't always work! Jack made himself sick doing it and trust me sleeping baby in the arms is more preferable to a crying one sitting in his own puke any day!). Now we answer honestly just about every question Jack has; we let Sam test his own physical limitations by climbing and running and jumping; we welcome messes made as the boys explore their world; we spank when the boys misbehave and also discuss the problems with them (yes...even Sam gets conversations about his behavior); we strive to provide as many opportunities for growth in areas that seem to be natural gifts for each boy (Sam's right now is in the physical world while Jack's often falls in the realm of philosophical).

And you want to know the basis for all these decisions? It wasn't a particular book or Bible study; it wasn't an idea stolen from a friend or a respected mentor. It was simply us doing what works best for our family. Some decisions were born out of a philosophical belief and others from a practical one but all developed because they worked for us. It's taken a long time for us to learn this lesson and I have my suspicions that we haven't quite achieved mastery -- but we're getting closer.

So to the new moms and moms-to-be out there: jump in with both feet, try things out -- if they don't work, feel free and confident to change without fear of permanent damage! And to those of us with littles underfoot all ready (yes us -- I need a reminder probably more than all of you), remember you're Mom -- God put you in that position which means He knows you have what it takes to get the job done for your brood.