One day I'll look back...

I'm sure that one day I'll look back on days like today with fondness and smile a nostalgic smile...

...but right now, here where I live, you know in the present, days like today just make me shake my head...

...because Sam yanked a little girl off one of his toys by her ponytail and then shot another little girl in the head with a nerf dart at point blank range (at least that one was an accident...he doesn't have the best aim).
...because Jack insisted on discussing the merits of Kay Bailey Hutchinson's new campaign over a meal of Chicken McNuggets and then proceeded to laugh at his brother's flatulence.
...because Sam is sporting his Mickey Mouse pj pants and crocs as part of his ensemble, changing him wasn't worth the fight.
...because Jack is genuinely upset he has yet to have his "talk" with dad about breaking his brother's toy (only because he's anxious to know how much money a replacement toy is going to cost him)

... because, most of all, these days that don't feel all that unique or special, that feel crazy and insane and exhausting are my life ... wrapped in dirt and sticky kisses, my beautiful, wonderful life.

3AM Musings

** Updated to correct The Fonz -- it's HENRY not HARRY. Thanks Celesta for catching my goof.

Wanna know what I think about as I feed my sweet little girl in the wee hours of the morning? I thought you might...

-- I wonder what it's like to be Henry Winkler (you know -- The Fonz). What's it like to walk through life knowing that in your career you were part of creating an iconic American character? More than that Happy Days made infamous the idea of "jumping the shark." And who did the jumping -- Henry Winkler of course! He has attached to his mantel of self both the cool character of The Fonz and the less than desirable images of jumping a shark on water skis. I wonder if that bothers him or if he considers it an honor or if he doesn't even think about it.

-- I wonder if other people's kids have "poop buttons." We have discovered that all of our kids will poop almost as if on command if you poke their belly buttons. Do other people's kids do that? Or does is it simply a correlation between my kids and their outie belly buttons? Which brings me to another question. What, in the general population, is the prevalence of outie belly buttons? Is it 50/50 or is it like being left-handed, far more rare than having an innie? And if it's rare -- what are the odds that all three of my kids would get an outie? Does the combination of Luke's and my DNA result in conditions ripe for outies?

-- I wonder if other people's kids eat like barracudas...

Some days...

Some days, regardless of how pretty your tutu may be, you just feel like this...

My favorite Christmas album

My very favorite Christmas album is Todd Agnew's Do You See What I See. While not traditional in the Bing Crosby sort of way, the album is perfectly centered on what is the real theme of the season -- the birth of Christ. Each song is written from the perspective of someone who witnessed the arrival of Christ (the innkeeper, Joseph, the angels, etc). The remarkable nature of the album, it's star-quality if you will, is the truthful portrayal of each "character" (this transparent truth is something we've come to expect from Todd -- while not always popular ideas, he never shies away from the tough stuff). Consequently, as the listeners, we are reminded that the inn was not full to capacity but that Mary and Joseph weren't the "right" kind of people. We experience Joseph's trepidation in beginning the journey that was raising Emmanuel. We feel the electricity of Simeon when his dream of meeting Messiah comes true. And we dance, full of ecstasy, with the heavenly hosts as they shout Glory to God.

So while traditional caroles have their place in the singing of the season, if while you are out and about you have a moment I suggest you pick up a copy of Todd's cd. Its a nice way to focus of the who and the what and perhaps most importantly the why of the season in the midst of all the hustle and bustle.

Listen to samples of the songs here

Handmade from the heart

This year I am in love with handmade gifts. Unfortunately, unless my friends and family want to listen to me talk I don't really have a whole lot to offer. I'm not what you might call "talented" -- at all. It's embarassing really. To make up for my shortcomings I spend hours browsing etsy Every now and then I find weird things -- like the fake, gold-plated dog poo in the shape of a heart (no, no, not kidding -- I really did find this). But sometimes I find some super cute things that I can't wait to snatch up and give as gifts. Even better, I can search for local artisans and support people in my own community. By shopping for these custom, one-of-a-kind pieces I can ensure a level of quality that is often missing in the mass produced items; I can support the "little guy" and I am able to wrap up a gift that really is for the recipient -- these gifts aren't just a good fit, they are perfect-made-to-order-awesome wrapped in a box!!

One shop I really want to brag on is Misty's Blessings. In addition to being my best friend (0ften a full time job in itself!), Misty creates wonderful handmade items for babies, moms and young kiddos. I really wish I had a little girl to buy for this Christmas -- Misty's aprons are too cute! Complete with places for crayons, these reversals gems are precious.

Grace has a pair of adorable baby shoes from Misty's shop (and I can't wait to buy her more!) and a doll quilt embroidered with her name. Since Grace is closer to actually being a doll than playing with a doll we use the quilt as a car seat blanket for now.

I know what you're thinking -- She's my friend so of course I think her stuff is great and I'm just doing a plug because she asked me to. Not true. Misty didn't ask me to write anything and I'm not the only one who thinks her stuff is great -- items are flying off her virtual etsy shelves!!

Go check out her shop on etsy here and see what she has to offer. Consider handmade and heartfelt this Christmas season.

And the final diagnosis is...

After almost 36 hours in the NICU at Texas Children's Hospital Grace was discharged and given a clean-ish bill of health. While not completely 100%, she improved dramatically since her arrival there and the doctors were convinced she was okay to go home. Grace's lethargy and refusal to eat led doctors to worry something sinister may have been going on. After a full sepsis work-up including blood cultures, a lumbar puncture and several nasal washes it was determined that Grace has RSV. After several hours of IV fluids and antibiotics (just in case), Grace began to perk up and return to her active little self. She is now a-okay and recovering from RSV. She is eating like a champ, up 6 ounces from Thursday to weigh in at 8lbs even. She is still coughing and has some wicked nasal congestion but she is on the mend and should be better soon!

Here we go again...

Well this post brings poopie news -- Grace is back in the NICU. Here's the updates post...read the bottom for the most recent news.

* Sunday PM, Grace developed a cough; by Monday AM we decided to go to the pediatrician as a precaution -- we wanted to avoid RSV hospitalization. We saw a new doctor in the practice, henceforth known as Dr. Evil, and were told "chest is clear. all is well."

* As the week progressed Grace's cough worsened and she developed a snotty nose.

* By Wednesday PM it was becoming difficult for Grace to catch her breath during her extended coughing spells. She began to sleep for longer periods of time and she began eating less.

* Wednesday overnight we had to wake Grace for her to eat at midnight and then she only ate about half her normal. She slept through her 3AM feed (and so did I). I had to wake her at 730AM Thursday to feed her. She nursed about 3 minutes, began to cough and then vomited. At that point I called the pediatrician.

* We saw a different doctor in the practice, henceforth known as Dr. Awesome. Concern was raised at the level of congestion Grace exhibited as well her rapid respiration rate. Dr. Awesome did a rapid flu test. It returned positive and we were sent to Texas Children's.

* TCH ER docs did a lumbar tap, catheter, blood cultures and nasal wash. Based on Grace's level of lethargy the decision was made to admit to NICU -- at least 2 days while we wait on cultures.

* Rapid result flu test done at TCH returned negative -- but given the previous positive test, we have to wait on the blood test to return for a solid diagnosis. Rapid result RSV test returned positive. Thursday PM -- we're bunking down for the night. Grace is in an isolation room in NICU level 2. There was talk about discontinuing the IV fluid but nothing has happened yet. Plans for the night -- hold our baby girl.

* Friday AM -- doctor came by this morning. IV fluids have been discontinued. Grace has been waking on her own every 2.5-3 hrs to feed. She is anything but lethargic! Still being given antibiotics as a precaution while we wait on cultures to return. based on the rapid improvement we've seen, there is talk that Grace could be discharged late this evening. doctor said there is no point keeping her here waiting if she is improving. currently he is attempting to figure out a way to get a follow up done once the cultures come back (tomorrow) since he won't be here. once the logistics are figured out we should have a firm decision on discharge.

* Friday PM -- doctor just left our room. Because Grace is a rock-star eater and is getting livelier by the moment she is being discharged this evening. We will wait for one more dose of antibiotic at 930pm and then we will be free from this place! I have to call back Sunday afternoon/evening to follow-up on the cultures but doctor did agree that there is no point in waiting in the hospital while things may or may not grow.

I had to open my mouth

I did it -- blame it on me. I declared with fervor that Grace had avoided the reflux bug that plagued the boys. Then with an unbridled fury reflux swooped down us. Grace had her 1 month visit Tuesday (a HUGE thanks to Dr. L for rescheduling Grace's one month appointment so I didn't have to come back to the office for the 4th straight week in a row). In addition to now being on reflux medication, Grace's measurements are as follows: head -- 14" (less than 5th %), length -- 20.5" (10th %), weight -- 7lbs 2oz (less than 5th %).

Here is a picture of Grace from Monday night; she's saying THANKS to a local girl scout troop who gifted us with some goodies to celebrate Grace and commemorate the birthday of the founder of Girl Scouts.

Happy Birthday Sam!

My Sammy baby is 2!! That is absolutely unbelievable! He is such a lovebug, and a polite one at that. He uses "please" "thank you" and "excuse me" without prompting (most of the time). He says "I love you" and freely gives kisses often. Lately his vocabulary has exploded -- his communication is now mostly in complete sentences. He still doesn't have great pronunciation so he can be a little difficult to understand but for those around him often it isn't too bad. Sam's motor skills are crazy! He can jump with two feet in a circle and can balance for a short period of time on one foot; he is also definitely a right-handed kid and does well at small movement skills like coloring (still looks like little kid scribble but he holds the crayon/marker well). Of course he can climb ANYTHING and usually does. Sam loves to sing and his favorite song seems to be "Big Big House" on the VeggieTales worship cd. Sam can count to 10 and can count objects up to 10. His favorite food seems to be anything Mexican -- queso, quacamole, chips, tortillas, etc. At Sam's 2 yr well-visit he measured as follows: head -- 19.5" (70th %), height -- 33.25" (20th %), weight -- 27.5lbs (40th %).

Let the present opening begin!

Showing off his new shirt

He couldn't stand it any longer -- had to try on the new digs
Blowing out his candles
Enjoying some green Larry cake

I always wanted an older brother

And I always wanted a brother like Jack. What a boy. He holds hands with Grace and Sam while we drive in the car so they won't cry. He plays with Sam all day. He constantly tells Grace how beautiful she is. He is my second set of eyes and ears and hands when we all venture out together. He is a patient teacher and is more forgiving of his siblings than I am of him often. Luke and I always say that we couldn't have chosen a better kid to be the "big brother" if we tried. Just wanted to brag on my oldest baby -- I've come to see him in a new light lately and I couldn't be more proud of him and more thankful for him. Here's looking at you big kid!

happy happy joy joy

We spent some time in Philippians this Sunday talking about the difference between being happy and being joyful. The difference is something I meditated on heavily while Grace was in the NICU. I mentioned in an earlier post that I've decided most people can't handle emotions outside of "happy". And I think the root of this is our inability to understand the difference between "happiness" and "joy". While Grace was in the NICU I was most certainly NOT happy. I was joyful -- in my knowledge that God is in control of the situation, that our circumstance was not a surprise to Him, that despite the storm in which we found ourselves my God had not changed. But for all this joy I struggled to make my face reflect anything but the sadness for the present circumstance. See what I mean about the difference being difficult to understand? I'm having trouble just writing about it...forget knowing it. It seems to be too great a contradiction for our human-ness to grasp. Nonetheless it's a state shared by Biblical "giants" -- David, Job, Paul, just to name a few, struggled with their temporal feelings of unhappiness in contrast to the inexplicable joy they had through their knowledge of and relationship with God.

The birth of each of my kids has been a conduit through which God has taught me an invaluable lesson. I think my lesson with Grace is this striking revelation of the difference between the temporal emotion of happy and the nonsensical permanence of joy. There was a verse that reverberated in my head throughout our ordeal with Grace (beginning in September when we thought she might arrive) and it's stuck with me still. Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I will say, Rejoice. (Philippians 4:4) That's something I think I'll work on today.

Sneaky Sneaky

After taking a break from working on Sam's cake Friday I headed back into the kitchen to continue the Larry/Bob creation only to find this...

Gracie Girl at 3 weeks

Grace had her "2 week" pediatrician visit. Yes I know she's 3 weeks but she's only been out of the NICU for 2 weeks. Grace is still measuring 19.75" long. Her head is now 13.75" (up a quarter inch from last week). The most surprising statistic is her weight -- Grace is now 6lbs 14oz (up 7oz in one week)!! Yipee! She's getting so big! So far we haven't seen any indication that Grace will have reflux issues like the boys did. She does have some discomfort after eating but nothing that would be considered reflux. To end the good news post, here is a picture of our pretty little lady!

They know we have a real dog right??!!??

Rounded the corner Tuesday morning and found my boys in this scene. The blur in the corner is Jack -- about the only way I get pictures of him lately. What does it say about Ginger that they would rather feed the robot dog than play with her??

Yes...that's Ginger's dog bowl in the living room floor

Grace's First Bath

After attempting to breathe in the sweet smell of my new little girl it became readily apparent that there was NO sweet smell to be found. Luke and I put our heads together and realized that Grace's hair had only been washed once since she was born (mainly because of her scalp IV). Desperate to remedy the situation ASAP I pulled out the baby soap and tub, flung the camera at Luke and we locked the boys out of the bathroom on Saturday before Grace's first photo shoot. Here are some obligatory first bath snapshots -- all parts are appropriately covered! And I'll pretend I'm not bummed that I had no "girlie" towels to wrap her in -- the yellow ducks were as gender neutral as was to be found (it was that or dogs and frogs...)

Not too bad at first

Not Okay with hair washing

Still convinced we're trying to torture her
Realizing the drying part isn't that bad
Worn out and still not real happy with mom

Counting my blessings

In an effort to continue my 1000 things list...

I am thankful

-- for modern medicine that though may tell me things I don't want to hear is available to save my baby's life

-- for a friend who opens home and heart to my children when crisis arrives (even if that crisis is a post-partum hormone attack on mommy).

-- for friends who open pantry and pocketbook to provide for our family so we can focus on "family"

-- for family, both near and far, who lend hands and hearts and tears time and again

-- for a friend who stepped out of her comfort zone to offer assistance. Although we never needed to call on her, it was humbling to know the extent to which she was willing to go to help us.

-- for little baby cries in wee hours of night. Thank you Lord for bringing her home to us.

-- for little boy hands, wringing in desperation, longing to hug and hold and love new life

-- for husband, walking this road of life with me.

Post happy

Surprised by the recent post explosion? Don't give me too much credit -- after almost 5 years of maintaining a family website I've decided to (temporarily) throw in the towel. I've been failing at keeping both the website and the blog updated in a timely fashion so for now all website traffic is being directed here. This means I can also consolidate my posts to one location -- no more "family posts only to the website" and "random Valerie thoughts to the blog". I'll give the new set-up a month before I commit definitely one way or another.

Jack's First Field Trip

Jack had his first field trip last week. His class went to Dewberry Farm and apparently he had a blast. I wasn't able to attend since Grace was home but from talking with the other moms who were able to chaperone it sounds like the trip was a success! I'm not certain if Jack had more fun at the farm or in the car to and from the destination. I can only imagine the ride with 4 silly little boys!! Apparently Jack went on a train, jumped on "a giant air pillow" (his words) and did a zip line. Hopefully more happened since he was gone for 6 hours but who knows! I don't have pictures yet; the mom who drove Jack has promised to send some pics.

Two weeks in

Grace is 2 weeks old!! Wow -- it's only been 2 weeks?? She had her first doctor's visit Friday and did wonderfully. Grace now weighs 6lbs 7oz (only a 2oz gain since she left the NICU -- dr isn't worried), she is 19.75" long (a full inch increase over her birth length) and her head measured 13.5" (a .5" increase over birth). Her umbilical cord fell off while the doctor was checking her tummy; of course the stump blended in with the carpet so the dr and I ended up on hands and knees looking for the silly thing.

Big brothers Jack and Sam are doing well. Jack is in love with Grace and wants to do everything for her (he can be a little bossy!). Sam gives Grace kisses but is mostly curious only when she fusses. He's having a few transition issues that tend to flare during feeding times but nothing terrible.

Big Brothers on the way to get Grace

First Meeting

Proud Big Brother
Curious Big Brother
Daddy and Mommy with our Gracie Girl

Thoughts from the past week

Believe it or not the week Grace was in the NICU I actually had some thoughts other than "breathe in/breathe out", "chew, chew, swallow", and "left then right then left...". Some were profound, others not so much but I thought I'd share nonetheless.

-- there is nothing that makes a person feel so insignificant as a life-changing event. Think about it: our liminal life moments are only liminal for us, and perhaps our loved ones. When we turn 16 and are able to drive, how many of us returned to school only to realize that other than our small group of friends the hundreds of other people filling the hallways couldn't have cared less? Or on our wedding days, walking into the honeymoon destination only to realize that other than the people who are paid to pretend like they care, the majority of those around are oblivious and some prefer it that way? The same holds true with the birth of a baby -- our lives changed forever with the birth of each baby and yet when we were discharged we quickly found out that bank teller, the food service worker, the retailer didn't know or much cared that we had been changed so dramatically. It's a rather humbling experience really...

-- It never fails when I enter Babies 'R Us in need of one tiny thing (tiny but ridiculously necessary in my initial efforts to coax a preemie to nurse) I find myself stuck in the check-out line behind a soon-to-be-new-mommy with a CART LOAD of baby paraphernalia. Even more a guarantee, the mommy will inevitably be on a budget but will have failed to take note of the cost of ANYTHING as she threw it in her cart. So I (and the line of 17384 people behind me) have to wait as each item is scanned and then debated with an uninterested dad-to-be. Meanwhile, I secretly worry that if my toe-tapping gets any more vigorous I might strike oil in the ground beneath me. (Okay, so this only happened twice...but seriously -- twice in 9 days is a bit much).

-- Most people (me included) are basically incapable of handling emotion seen in others that varies from the happy spectrum. Consider our socially acceptable answers to introductory questions like "How are you?" and "what have you been up to?" We generally respond with "Fine", "Okay" "doing well" and "not much". I know the week Grace was in the NICU I responded EXACTLY the same way. Why? Because I knew that to respond "I'm miserable and sad, worried about my daughter" would make most people uncomfortable. I blame this on our cultural climate -- our western-ness if you will. We aren't comfortable sharing those emotions and are consequently are uncomfortable when confronted by those emotions in others.

-- La Madeline has some of the yummiest breakfast around. I would know -- I ate it several times in the past week since it's across the street from the hospital.

Complete

Our family is now complete! Our Gracie Girl is home and learning to live and love her older brothers! I'll post a pic or two later -- for now I'm gonna sit and stare at her and maybe take a nap now all my babies are safe and sound at home.

Grace Updates 2

2nd volume of Grace updates -- when I started the first post I didn't anticipate having to update for such a long period of time. I grew tired of scrolling to the end of the other post, decided it was getting too long and started another.

* Thursday, 6PM -- Luke and I had a rare treat -- Kristen stayed with the boys and we were able to go to the NICU together for the first time since Monday. Grace looked great. She has excellent respiration rates. She had been sleeping since the last time I left -- her 3pm feed was a gavage so she didn't have to wake to eat. I bottled her at 6PM and she took her 30cc like a pro, stopping only for a burp that was anything but ladylike. Luke and I made the decision today to leave her off the breast until the hospital staff is confident in her abilities to eat (meaning we'd like to see ad lib feeds by bottle for every feed first). There is no requirement that Grace come home on the breast but she has to be able to bottle feed. Knowing how most babies react the first few times at the breast we don't want points detracted from Grace's ability to bottle feed just because she is unsure of nursing. Grace is still getting breastmilk -- she's just getting it from a bottle right now. And that's enough about boobs -- too much talking about it already! As I type this update (it's 11:34PM) Luke is en route to the hospital for Grace's midnight feeding. She should have gavaged the 9PM feed, making this one a bottle feed. After the trouble we had earlier due to this particular nurse Luke was not about to let things slide. He wants to be there to make sure Grace is given her bottle appropriately. We want to see forward progress! We are contemplating being back there for her 6AM feed. Luke being there ensures Grace will get the attention she needs/deserves and is not at the mercy of a lazy nurse. IF there is a problem with the feeding then we will know it's a true problem and NOT something else. Pray for Luke tomorrow as he meets with the doctors -- that he would be firm and articulate while not alienating Grace's caregivers, that he would communicate our desires without appearing overly-intimidating and that he would speak with a clear mind and head to hear the doctor's response. Pray for the doctor -- that she would hear our hearts even if the words are jumbled, and that she would see and understand our position, that she would take seriously our requests. Pray for Grace -- get big and GO HOME!!

* Friday, 12PM -- Luke was able to speak with the doctor regarding Grace's progress and we received good news (sort of...). The TPN was discontinued today so the IV is out. Grace is able to nipple every feed. She will start today, with the noon feeding, at 35cc. If she can take 35cc at noon and 3PM, the nurses will increase her amount to 40cc. Luke said she gobbled up the noon feeding -- which our AWESOME nurse bumped to 40cc early. Love it when the nurse is on our side! Assuming Grace tolerates her feedings today/tonight her gavage tube can be removed tomorrow. The night nurse will weigh Grace at shift change and if she has gained any weight at all the orders are written to open the isolette. Luke decided that if she hasn't gained weight we will have another conversation with the doctors because although she may not be packing on the pounds now, Grace never dropped below her birth weight. According to the NICU records she is up 4oz from last Friday's weight -- we shouldn't be worrying about her weight at this point. Once the isolette is opened we will take her carseat so she can complete her carseat challenge and hopefully she will complete her hearing screen too. There is a slim chance that Grace may come home tomorrow afternoon but we are expecting it will be Sunday before she is discharged -- it will depend on how persuasive we can be tomorrow with the doctor (and of course how Grace progresses throughout the rest of today/tonight). Overall GREAT news -- we just wish tomorrow was definitely go home day. OH well...maybe this will give us time to finish the nursery!

* Saturday, 12PM -- WOW! what a 24 hours it has been! We visited Grace last night at 6pm to feed her. She did great -- took her bottle super fast and showed progress! We went back again at midnight to find her NG tube had been removed! We weren't expecting that to happen until the next afternoon. Unfortunately we also discovered that the night nurse had given her formula. I spoke with her about this but she seemed to be disinterested in listening -- a rather lazy woman truth be told. Grace did well at her midnight feeding -- she was a little slow eating because of tummy bubbles (probably due to the sudden switch to formula). Luke and I went back to the NICU at 9AM today only to discover the night nurse gave her formula after we left too -- not sure why. I spoke with the day nurse and hopefully the situation will be resolved. I was able to nurse Grace for the first time during the 9AM feed and she did GREAT! Ate like a champ. We returned for the noon feed to find Grace in an open crib! Today she will complete her carseat challenge and her hearing screen. She is ad lib feeding now -- basically she can eat what she wants when she wants (the nurses will try to keep her to a 3 hour feed schedule as best they can and they have min/max feed amounts she has to stay within). It looks like Grace should come home tomorrow. She will have to gain weight in the next 24 hours -- even a tiny amount will work (today she gained 10 grams). If she doesn't gain weight (and assuming she doesn't lose weight) Luke and I will have to argue to get her home tomorrow. The doctor originally said Monday when I asked but Luke questioned her response and she said she would be okay with tomorrow if Grace does her part. Hopefully this is the last Grace update! Pray for Grace to gain LOTS of weight!!!

I know I should dig deeper ...

I know I should, like she is doing, dig deeper for purposes larger than myself but all I really want to do is crawl in bed and let the next few days pass without me. Time to muster up energy, grab the bootstraps and pull hard. There are a lot of little ones depending on me today...I'll be glad when this season is over

Grace Updates

This post will contain all Grace updates. One continuously updated post seemed like a better idea than several posts.

* Saturday 4AM -- Grace moved from regular nursery to Level 2 NICU. She is tachypnic and having desats. She is placed under oxygen hood with 30 % O2.

* Throughout Saturday Grace continues to present signs of tachypnea and has to have her oxygen level raised to 50% under the hood. Saturday evening (9PM) the decision is made to move her to nasal CPAP. By 11PM Grace has been weaned back to 41% O2. She seems more comfortable and her respiration rate has slowed significantly. We FINALLY see rates that are normal.

* Sunday AM, Grace has been weaned to 33% O2 on CPAP and her respiration rate at 8am vitals was 50!! She is extremely agitated and spends much of our first visit fussing (I suspect she is hungry). Nurse decides to consult doctor when she arrives about either a) feeding a small amount (5cc) or b) provide a light sedative for Grace. At this point we need to do something to calm her down because it's getting difficult to judge her ability to breathe because she is crying so loudly and so often. Nurse feels her current monitor readings aren't true indicators of Grace's ability to breathe without assistance.

* Sunday, 1PM -- Met with Dr. Barry at Grace's bedside. Decision was made to give Grace a dose of surfactant (helps to make the insides of her lungs slippery so they don't stick together). Currently Grace is on CPAP with 38% O2. She is sating at 98-100% and her resp. rate is perfectly normal. Dr. Barry also gave Grace a small dose of a mild sedative -- it has helped Grace relax enough to not fight the interventions she needs. Dr. Barry likened it to an adult taking an over-the-counter sleeping pill -- helps sleep and relaxes you but not to the point where you can't be awakened by noise and movement. When Grace's nurse returns from lunch she will take an arterial blood gas level. Assuming ABG levels are good, Dr. Barry said they would begin aggressively weaning the O2 with the hopes that Grace would be off O2 by tomorrow. At that point she can begin feedings. Dr. Barry mentioned that if things go well she may consider gavage feeds (tube feeds) in TINY amounts this evening. Overall we are pleased with the progress of Grace's care. All the docs seem to be treating her more aggressively than they did Sam. Instead of having to prove herself on the most invasive and intense equipment before being moved down (like Sam) she is having to show a rather significant inability to perform at lower levels before being moved up.

* Sunday 10PM -- Spoke with the night nurse. Grace is on 40% O2 -- she had a rough day. The goal, before weaning the oxygen level, is to calm Grace enough that she will not fight the CPAP. Dr. doesn't want any more sedation right now -- the feistiness is a good thing, in small measures. Nurse moved her IV from her left hand to her scalp because the TPN is so hard on her veins. They did decide to leave the two IV placements in so there is an option to rotate between the two without having to re-stick Grace.

* Monday, 9AM -- Grace is on 28% O2 -- WOOHOO!! Nurse told Luke Grace is behaving herself and hitting all the milestones she needs to hit to continue on with weaning the oxygen. Dr. hasn't done rounds yet so we aren't sure what the actual goals for the day are; obviously she needs to be weaned of O2 but originally the dr. mentioned the need to perhaps leave her on room air CPAP for 24 hours after weaning so she won't have to take any backward steps. We'll see. From our experience with all this before I can tell you that she will probably go from CPAP to nasal cannula before she is completely oxygen free. Then we will have to begin gavage feeds first to ensure she can tolerate those before we begin to try real feedings. Again...not sure what the doctor has in mind since I haven't talked to her today.

* Monday, 2PM -- We are absolutely walking on sunshine! While we were visiting Grace, the doctor ordered her CPAP removed and moved her to nasal cannula! THEN, instead of closing the isolette up after the oxygen change, the nurse passed her off to me (after I gave her a quick diaper change of course!). Luke and I were both able to hold her for about an hour or so. She is beautiful and much happier with the CPAP prongs out. Assuming she maintains her O2 sats at 99-100% (which she was doing consistently while we were there), the nurse has orders to wean her down to room air (21%). Once at room air she will hang out on nasal cannula until tomorrow. Grace had been given 10cc of breastmilk by gavage before we got there and did great digesting it all so she was given another 10cc before we held her. Assuming she doesn't have an issue digesting it AND that she can keep her respiration rate down the nurse has orders to begin feeding her 10cc by mouth. We are soooo excited!

* Tuesday, 8AM -- Grace is on 21% with her nasal cannula! Right now she is only sating at 93% but the nurse commented that she was beginning to calm down -- I guess the weaning made her a little cranky! If she can maintain a decent sat level and respiration rate she is set to get her first bottle at 9AM! Doctor hasn't been by yet so we aren't sure what the goals for the day are but I'll go visit later today to find out.

* Tuesday, 1PM -- Grace is still on nasal cannula, holding steady at room air. She is down to 1 liter from her previous 1.5 liters. She is still sating in the low/mid 90's. She took her first bottle at 9AM but only played with the nipple and it took her a good 30 minutes to finish her 10cc. (I keep forgetting that most people don't measure in cc -- one ounce is roughly 30cc). Her noon feed was gavage but was increased to 15cc -- she is digesting well and having no residule so she just needs to work on nipple feeds. I held her for about 30 minutes and she was content for the most part. She tried to wake up but never really opened her eyes (probably because of the bright lights!). She is beginning to turn orange from her high bili levels BUT the levels aren't high enough yet to warrant bili-therapy. She is peeing/pooping well so hopefully she can flush the bili's out of her system without the need for light therapy. If she can't, she'll have to sit under lights for a little while which will only prolong her stay. Grace has two black eyes -- it looks like she was punched in each. Not sure why but the speculation is that the bruising is from her speedy delivery.

* Tuesday, 6PM -- Luke saw Grace this evening. The biggest happening? She peed everywhere, so prolifically in fact that she had to get her entire bed changed. Other than that things stayed the same. She is still sating in the low to mid 90's, and occasionally had a low sat down to 89. Nothing terrible but certainly not numbers we need to see if we want her to come home in the next day or so. The nurse hadn't given any more bottle feeds -- not sure why but we're guessing because of low sat levels. Today has just been part of the NICU shuffle -- two steps forward and one step back. We've had lots of forward days so a day back was bound to come around. We're trying not to get too bummed but we are praying super hard for a much better night and day tomorrow.

* Wednesday, 11AM -- I just spoke with dr. via phone. Grace is officially off oxygen!!! The nasal cannula was removed about 30 minutes ago. The nurses suctioned her nose so she could breathe easier (lots of dried up goo in there!) and she is now happy as a clam! Dr. C called her a pistol -- big surprise! Grace's feedings are now up to 20cc which is about half the amount she would need to be considered an ad lib feeder -- which she has to be to go home. Dr. C removed her OG tube and placed an NG tube so if Grace has trouble with bottle and breast she can still work on digesting the larger amounts of breastmilk. Grace is border line jaundiced so she is going to have some bili-therapy today. She is going to be started on the bili-blanket so she can still be swaddled. Pray the bili-blanket works! If it doesn't she will need overhead light therapy which will mean no swaddling which will mean angry Grace which may mean bad sats. Grace is still having short bursts of tachypnea so pray that the remaining hold-ons would disappear completely. Dr. C said she could nurse from mom once a day beginning today IF she isn't tachypnic. Assuming she maintains her ability to eat, tomorrow's feedings will be increased to 30cc. Grace is doing a good job maintaining her temperature so she shouldn't have any problems in an open crib. Despite my better judgment, knowing how much the docs hate giving go-home estimates, I asked if Monday was an acceptable conservative estimate. While she hestitated, Dr. C did confirm Monday as conservatively acceptable. Now I'm praying that Grace will FLY through these last tiny baby steps, that she will CALM her respiration rate permanently, and that the doc on call in the next couple days isn't QUITE as conservative as Dr. C. I know they need the beds right now so I'm hoping the need for space will help speed decision along. Overall a GREAT report! Go GRACE Go!

* Wednesday, 3PM -- Visited Grace in the NICU. She is on a bili-blanket complete with her own pair of sunglasses! She is content to play the role of a little sun lizard! She has been considerably calmer all day now that her nasal cannula is gone. She has taken her feeds entirely by bottle, finishing her 20cc in about 2 or 3 minutes (she is given 30 minutes to try). Her nurse wouldn't let me breastfeed her (I'm not a big fan of hers if you didn't know) because she thought Grace was breathing a little fast (she wasn't but whatever). I did get to bottle feed her though. She was a champ! Tomorrow I'm going to fight a little harder on the breastfeeding part. The nurse did make the decree (see why I don't like her) that we couldn't hold her for back to back feeds because her temp this morning was a little low from us holding her yesterday (follow that logic? yeah me neither...12 hours after Luke held Grace her temp was low so it was somehow related to the holding schedule??). So Luke pushed his visit for tonight until 9. Hopefully we'll get more good news. Tomorrow we're hoping the docs either dramatically reduce her TPN/lipids or discontinue them all together. Grace's IV site won't hold much longer and no one wants to stick her again! As of right now, having seen her myself I'm guessing she may go home Saturday or Sunday...depending on how aggressively the docs let her eat. Not as soon as I'd like but oh well...at least she gets to go home!

* Thursday, 11AM -- Grace is holding steady. Unfortunately it seems her progress is being slowed by idiotic nurses. I'll explain that in a minute. First, Grace's bili levels were significantly lower today so she was able to discontinue her photo-therapy. Now she can wear some clothes and be swaddled nice and tight. Docs have discontinued her lipids and reduced her TPN. Her feeds have been increased to 30cc and she, after some pushing from mommy, is able to nipple every other feed. Here's the idiotic nurse part: yesterday Grace took several bottles back to back, finishing them in less than 3 minutes. Today the nurse (Karen, who is NOT idiotic!) tells me the orders are written that Grace can nipple once a day and breastfeed once a day. When I question this I am told that Grace just isn't showing interest in bottle feeding. The next obvious question from me was "what does Grace have to do to show she is interested?" The answer was finish her bottle in less than 25 minutes to which I responded, "so 3 minutes isn't good enough?" Karen begins to do some digging through Grace's chart and sees that in fact Grace has shown significant interest in feeding. For some reason the night nurse didn't try to nipple feed her and therefore told the day nurse and the doc that Grace wasn't interested. We bottle fed Grace at noon, she ate 30cc in less than 5 minutes. HA take that you idiotic night nurse. Luke is going at 6 for the feeding and there is a chance I may go at 9 to attempt to nurse her. Tomorrow Luke is taking some time so he can be there when the doctor is there (today was actually just the nurse practitioner) to ask some tough questions. We both think this portion of things is taking entirely too long and given the false information being passed along by nurses that is being used to make medical decisions it seems like it's time for dad to get some face time with the docs.

Isn't she lovely!!

Grace Abigail Pearson joined our family Friday night at 9:09pm. She weighed 6lbs 2oz and was 18.75" long. Her official gestational age is 36 weeks to the day. She is beautiful!! We had our hopes that Grace would be far enough along to not need the NICU but about 4am Saturday it became clear that she needed a little extra help breathing. Currently she is in the level 2 NICU. She is doing well, breathing easier with some oxygen assistance (as of this writing, 33% 02 by nasal CPAP). She is no longer tachypnic so we are hoping she can continue to be weaned and can come off oxygen soon. I so wanted to post more traditional hospital photos, free of wires and medical devices, but it wasn't meant to be. This particular picture is from Saturday AM when Grace was under an oxygen hood -- she was moved to CPAP Saturday PM. Rest assured I'll post more -- complete with lots of big pink bows!

Gracie wins!!

I posted a status update on Grace about a week ago only to remove it less than 6 hours after it's penning. Why? I didn't like what I wrote -- it sounded...dumb. Turned out to be a good decision because like all things in my life the status changed the very next day. BUT after meeting with my doctor today I'm confident in relating some of the latest news.

First -- as of 9:19pm today Grace will officially win the longest gestated baby for the Pearson house! Good job little girl! Way to hang in there!

I am seeing my OB weekly now and we are having weekly biophysical profiles of the Little Miss. Last week the official weight was 5.5lbs. We didn't measure exact weight this week but there's a good chance Grace is 6 lbs today. She seems to be loving life and enjoying her swimming pool. She did finally turn head down and seems to be happy to remain that way -- either that or she ran out of room to make the large movements necessary for a flip. Last week my OB started me on blood pressure medication. There doesn't seem to be an indication that things will turn to pre-eclampsia so we are calling it gestational hypertension. The meds are working...sort of. We are working to find a balance in dosing. My body responds VERY WELL to the meds -- sometimes too well making my pressures go too low. Dr. M remarked today that the meds I'm on don't usually result in this type of control. I'm still not making many treks out and about and I'm nowhere near going back to things as usual -- gotta make sure the bp stays in control.

Here is the big news from today -- Dr. M and I set a date for Grace's arrival. Unless she decides to come on her own, Grace will get an eviction notice on Thursday, November 12th. That is one day shy of 38 weeks!! Things are seeming to move toward baby day on their own -- contractions (mild) and such are beginning but I know these could last for weeks. Dr. M will be out of town next week and the beginning of the following week but she did mention that if her associate is comfortable with it, we could strip my membranes next week. If not, we can definitely strip membranes the following week. I'm hoping that will help things along naturally without induction medication. All this means for me...I was hoping for a sooner date BUT I know that liability issues are present when voluntarily inducing before full-term. I gathered from comments made by Dr. M that she isn't sold on the fact that I will go that far. Bottom line -- we'll have to wait and see.

That's about it! Yea for Grace!!

Happy, Happy Birthday Baby!

Happy Birthday Luke! I love you! Thanks for being better than the best husband and father we could have ever hoped for. Hope you have a fabulous birthday extravangza!

Name and Nesting Needs

I've been attempting to deny this for about a month but it seems I'm officially nesting. After waking at 4am with an almost unbearable desire to vacuum the ceiling it seem I can no longer avoid the label. Not having done this with the boys I find myself a bit unnerved by the entire situation. I'm the logical pregnant person (ha -- what an oxymoron!), not getting trapped by all things commercial when it comes to having a baby. Practical has always been the name of the game (at least in my warped pregnant mind). Yeah -- that's gone now.

One small kink in my plans to nest and make ready for little Miss is my very inconvenient stays at Camp Hermann. While only lasting about 28 hours each, they seem to destroy the weekends leaving us facing Monday with no progress done to baby's room. As d-day looms ever closer on the horizon, it's beginning to stress me a bit.

As of this weekend I can proudly say that at least one piece of the room is DONE (and I didn't have anything to do with it!)

Take a gander at Grace's name art! Lovingly crafted by Luke's mom, these letters are perfect!! I've included pictures of the entire name and then closer shots of each letter for detail. SOOOO excited!!!

Whew, what a week!

It's been quite a week for our family! The best description is that it feels like I was about to get hit by a truck but managed to step out of the way just in time. Still a little shocked at what the outcome could have been but so eternally thankful that God had other plans.

Wednesday morning I went into my OB's office for a regular visit -- knowing it wouldn't be a regular visit. I had been struggling with high blood pressures and headaches and knew that my kidneys weren't functioning up to par. I walked into the office in tears because I felt so badly. After a poor result on my protein test and a poor BP reading it was quickly decided that I should head to the hospital. We checked into Memorial Hermann downtown shortly after lunch, me feeling worse with each passing moment. Doctors checked me and Grace, determined that she was breech and that there was a possibility I would deliver that day -- no more food or drink for Val as a c-section was in the future. By dinner the doctors decided to wait until 9pm to make a decision (to allow 6 hours for the steroids for Grace to work) but told me not to be surprised if they woke me in the middle of the night to deliver. In their words, "there is no doubt you are pre-eclamptic."

Up to this point the progression of the evening was something with which we are VERY familiar. However, about 11pm I began having contractions. Because I received epidurals so early into labor with the boys it took a few contractions for me to realize what was going on. After two hours of contractions coming about 2 minutes apart it looked as if Grace was deciding to come on her own. Of course as soon as we thought a decision had been made the contractions stopped. I was told to rest and drink fluid. About 2am contractions began again and I was back on no-food or drink. I contracted until about 4 and once again doctors began making noises about immediate delivery. But once again the contractions stopped and plans changed again.

About 6am the doctors decided that they were not willing to stop labor if it was coming but they were also not prepared to help it along at that point. It was decided that we would wait for more tests results. At that point my blood pressure had been GREAT but I still had a terrible headache. By 4pm, Thursday it was appearing that the decision would be NOT to induce but not to let me go home. The tests seemed to indicate that while I had been getting sick when I checked in, at this point I was now getting better. BUT it was the doctors opinions that I would in fact get sick sooner rather than later...they were hoping to get me to last a few more days.

My final test results came back around 7pm -- my protein levels for the 24 hour period were PERFECT. Last week I tested at a level of 277 (300 is abnormal/BAD), in the hospital I tested 102. About 9pm the doctors returned to tell me to GO HOME: my labs were good, my headache improved (didn't disappear but was manageable) and my blood pressures were the best they've been since I got pregnant. This time doctors words were "you are NOT pre-eclamptic." I practically RAN out the door.

Truthfully there is no other explanation for the 180 degree turn-around other than a miracle of God. While improvement was a possibility, the complete disappearance of all symptoms shouldn't have happened. But it did...and here we sit -- at home, with Grace safely tucked away in mommy's tummy where she belongs for the next few weeks.

So where do we go from here? Good question. Luke and I both realize the bullet we dodged so to speak so we are natually cautious. While I was not told I was on bedrest Luke and I have decided that a modified bedrest approach is a good idea. So I'm homebound until Grace's arrival. I ran a few quick errands today but they only lasted about 30 minutes. Luke will take over the major errands (groceries and such). My sister, Kristen, will join us on non-school days to help me corral to wild little boys. On Jack's school days I should be able to handle Sam on my own. Luke and I have agreed that the non-essential household chores will be left undone for the time being. I'll do a little here and there but my main goal will be to take it easy and stay pregnant. I won't be going anywhere really -- including church -- for a while. I see my doctor Wednesday of this next week so we see if she has a different idea. I'm still taking my blood pressures at home to watch things. The doctor mentioned that we were hoping to make it to 36 or 37 weeks. My guess is with the recent hospital time we will probably stop at 36 weeks which puts Grace's arrival sometime around Halloween. Again...I'll have to ask my OB when I see her.
Right now I'm excited to still feel Grace kick instead of sitting beside a NICU isolette.

Here's praying for a very UNEVENTFUL four weeks!!

Introducing...

We'd like everyone to meet Baby Grace. She doesn't have a middle name yet but we're confident we'll think of one before she makes her official debut in about 9 weeks.

Facebook killed the Blogger star...

My friend Aimee (I didn't link her blog b/c I'm not sure she'd like a world of strangers traipsing through pictures of her kiddos) once posted that facebook is killing her blog. After an unfortunate case of insomnia last night I can't help but say that's true -- about my blog...not hers. It seems the facebook status box has been a convenient way to get out the ideas without worrying about their development. Since I'm into posterity I decided I'd post some more of the memorable statuses here -- more for my memory than for your entertainment -- I'm just cool like that. Any italics are my thoughts now -- today -- after the fact.

8/26 is thinking bubble wrap is the only way to keep two little boys from engaging in "brotherly love" (wrestling) when they are both supposed to take it easy and protect stitches and such...

8/23 just caught the boys giving each other showers using the nasty standing water from yesterday's rain that was caught in a toy outside. GROSS!!! Really -- I was worried Sam would get another parasite...that's how he caught the last one.

8/17 best part of jacks surgery? watching him "fly over the sea" (his words) while hiccuping so hard he almost fell over!! Oh my! Wish I woulda gotten this on video!!

8/10 you know it's going to be a good day when your toddler walks into the kitchen saying, "YUCK!" You turn around assuming a rogue booger must be stuck to his hand only to discover he is in fact using his own poo as hand lotion. Good way to start the week, son!

8/3 house is beginning to resemble the UFC. Sam fish-hooked Jack and gouged him in the eye as Jack body-slammed him to the ground and then sat on him while he "squeezed his guts." Both giggled through the entire episode. I love my little boys!!

would like to thank her youngest son for losing her bank card somewhere in Target. That makes shopping easy for the next 10 days while I wait for a new one since I had to cancel the lost one.

7/23 is hungry...and cravin' breakfast food. too bad shipley's isn't open...blame it on CT (the hunger not the lack of donuts) maybe this habit would explain the recent weight gain...

7/14 wondering if the "b" in crumb is silent then why don't we pronounce "crumble" as "crummel"? Deep thoughts from Valerie while folding the mound of laundry taller than Jack.

7/6 oh terrible two's, you are my nemesis; you arrived earlier than I was expecting you sneaky devil and it seems I've forgotten all the tricks from the last time...

7/1 woke up to a kid with blue lips and vomit. Who said being a stay-at-home mom was dull???

6/29 Jack just asked Luke what he was going to watch on tv and before Luke could respond Jack answered "your mother." My thoughts? BURN; how proper of him; ooopppsss -- maybe I should lay off the "your mom" responses...

6/12 has decided to fire the maid. seriously -- the laundry is piling up and the kitchen is a disaster. OH WAIT...those are my jobs...dang it!

6/10 9AM dermatology appointment for your toddler -- eleventy billion dollars; watching medical professionals attempt to keep a straight face while said toddler picks nose and eats findings -- HILARIOUS!!! (I know, I know...I should work on the nose picking part...we're a work-in-progress around here)

5/22 never fear, Jack slayed Goliath and the Philistines this morning. It was quite the battle.

5/14 is watching Jack attempt to baptize his brother in the kiddie pool. He's holding Sam's nose with one hand while trying to force his head back with the other, all the while saying, "I baptize you in the name of the Lord."

5/10 forgot to wear make-up to church this morning. Proof positive that pregnancy kills brain cells.

5/5 shouldn't be allowed to speak to other people. I just left a message for Jack's cardiologist that ended with, "the sooner the report is faxed the better it will be for everyone." What exactly does that mean? Am I gunnin' for her???

4/20 is thinking that instead of cleaning the kitchen, all the dishes should be thrown away and new ones purchased.

4/2 Jack came home from school talking about his blood eyes behind his white eyes. Should I be concerned??

3/27 my 16 month laughs hysterically at his older brother's flatulence. Anyone know how I can pump a little estrogen in my house to even things out a bit?? we found out we were expecting chicken tart 2 days later...

3/23 Sam is walking around the house carrying a fire-poker. Think it's time I parent and leave fb alone??

3/22 finally got poor sicky Sam-o to rest a little. Oh and in case you are wondering - Jack didn't want a "waterbooger" for dinner. Not that I blame him...

3/20 is exhausted. Hauled the boys around shopping with my mom and sis. Jack sang "Let's Play Bite My Brother" the entire time we were in Hobby Lobby...

3/19 wishes Jack didn't get carsick...ever...and especially not as I pull him from the truck for baseball practice.

3/18 is so glad Sam needed up in the middle of the night so he could roar for an hour....I was telling Sam "night night", so he would pat my head and say, "night night mama rooooooarrrrr". we too are not friends today...

3/17 is takin' the boys to the mall. must run off some energy before I bury someone under the swingset...It's funny everyone assumes this is a joke

3/13 tally for today -- one bite from youngest almost ended in blood, oldest son using pile of laundry as cushion for jumping off couch. And it's not even lunch..

1/19 Jack just ran in my room, asking for the water on to brush his teeth...in nothing but a belt with a screwdriver tucked in the waistband...

1/17 thinks fort-building days turn her house into a Lord of the Flies experiment - after the store found Jack asleep on the couch with a half-eaten bag of dorito's

That's all...I'm sure there are more but I'm getting bored copying and pasting...

some new things

1. I found new stretch marks this weekend while on vacation. I assumed, stupidly I guess, that since this was my 3rd baby I'd be in the clear on the "new"stretch marks...at least until we get closer to the end. I was wrong...

2. I now think it is entirely possible that a baby can explode from your belly button. There was more than one time this weekend, while waddling around the French Quarter like a live public health advertisement for birth control, that I was convinced little miss would burst right out onto the pavement. This probably explains the new stretch marks. I kept trying to convince her that if she moved down just a teeny tiny bit there would be more room for her -- her brothers have already stretched that part of my abdomen beyond repair. Apparently she wants to be a little trailblazer...

3. We have a name? I say that with uncertainty more than declaration because we aren't 100% positive. Right now we are unpacking the name, trying on all the variations, seeing if it fits. After we've had time to wear the new off a little and to make sure it's perfect then we'll tell.

4. We have chosen a nursery. Declaration! It's from babiesrus...the first one we looked at.

5. I'm nesting? Back to questions... I never did this with the boys and I "think" it's too early to do with LM but I'm there nonetheless. So either it's nesting or I'm crazy. Don't vote on which you think it is...

6. I can't clean the bathtub any more. I can't tie shoes any more. I can barely get things off the floor any more. I still have 10 weeks to go. It's gonna be a long 10 weeks.

7. Jack told me this morning, "Mom, I wanna be one of Jesus's Christians. What's a Christian?" After my first try at explaining this (Jesus comes into your heart), Jack said, "Jesus is in my heart. He came down from Heaven and we had a sleepover...except he was in my body." I had to try that explanation again... Apparently I didn't do a satisfactory job -- he then told me "I'll just tell dad when he gets home." Fail...

8. Sam and I are still at odds with the diaper situation. On the upside, I'm considering opening my own carpet cleaning business. I have experience now...and most of my house is tile. He can't help it that he has his favorite "spots" if you know what I mean...

Sometimes I do not feel capable to raise my childeren

First of all, this is Luke writing---which should explain the poor grammar---I just had to share an interesting experience.

So I finished up reading Jack his bedtime story and told him that tomorrow we would be reading "Jesus feeds 5,000." Jack, being is typical inquisitive self, asked 5,000. I proceeded to explain that it meant 5,000 men and that if our family had been there only I would have been counted--even though Jesus would have also fed Mommy, Sam and him. Jack then added "and Ginger (our dog), too".

I paused and said "I dunno...I guess he would have fed Ginger."

To which Jack responded, "DAADDD, 'even the dogs eat the scraps that fall from their masters' table'."

That is right my 4 year old son, just corrected me---citing scripture (Mathew 4:27).

Toilets, tushies, and timing

**** WARNING!!! THIS POST TALKS ABOUT POOP. DON'T WANNA READ ABOUT POOP? SKIP THIS POST!!****




(I love how I mention "poop" twice in the warning...hope you weren't trying to actually avoid it!) Tonight I've cleaned urine and poop (two different times) leading me to wonder if in this circumstance people would still think it's abuse to staple my son's diaper to his boo-heiney. (disclaimer -- not actually considering this, crazy fools...) Here is where we stand. I do NOT want to potty-train Sam, at least not yet. He is young by any standard and especially young for a boy at only 21 months. Sam however HAS decided that diapers are yesterday's garbage (pun totally intended). This morning he quietly ducked into the downstairs bathroom, removed his poopie diaper, wiped himself spotlessly clean (amazingly clean actually), pulled his pajama bottoms up and continued on about his morning. Only when I gave him a hug while preparing breakfast did I realize he was sans-diaper. After a fretful search of the house I discovered he had delicately placed the diaper, wrapped up, in the trash can. WHAT??!!!??? Who does that? Having kept the training potty out I pulled out the potty book today thinking if Sam understands enough of the act to accomplish this morning's stunt perhaps a reading or two while on the new seat would encourage more. Throughout the day Sam would pull off his diaper, run to the bathroom and...do absolutely nothing. Not disappointed I let the act continue hoping to preempt the next attempt or at least catch him in the act. NOPE. After dinner today, he let 'er rip...quite literally, leaving me to clean the carpet not once, not twice but thrice (love using thrice...). Add to this his latest fad of stripping his diaper from his bum, running around au naturale only to bring me a diaper when it's "time". I'm stumped. I can't keep a diaper on the kid; he can pull his own pants down, remove his diaper and clean himself. I obviously can't let him run around the house bare-booty leaving Sammy-piles in his wake. I also can't imagine it's a good idea to continue the habit of bringing mom a diaper when the mood strikes, so to speak -- that can't instill good habits. I have no idea what to do. Ideas? Suggestions? Funny stories to make me feel better???

Some words to make a picture

This past Sunday our pastor and a small group of his colleagues engaged in a round-table type discussion on the modern day slave trade/sex trafficking. For those not familiar with Alex or who might like to hear the discussion I am sure you can catch a podcast of Sunday's talk on Kingsland's website. Discussions on world issues often leave me feeling a bit like I'm drowning; faced with problems of such enormous scale I struggle to wrap my very finite brain around them much less am able to work toward any sort of viable action on my part. In particular Alex and his cohorts did an excellent job of identifying the problem and then very specifically outlining potential action steps for us "regular" folk (my words, certainly not theirs). It is, however, far too easy for me when faced with the seemingly insurmountable task of even understanding world tragedies such as slave trade to dismiss them after a few days time -- often because it's too much for me to grasp.

If pictures are worth thousands of words how do we communicate dire needs if no pictures exist? This conundrum sprang to life on Sunday -- how do you adequately describe the idea of a modern day slave trade to an audience full of suburbanites?? There simply aren't pictures to show -- not really -- especially none that the average church-goer would deem "appropriate" for Sunday morning. The only option is then to provide words, thousands upon thousands of them. That's where this post comes in...

Two years ago (almost three now...) a bright student named Katherine laid a book on my desk; it was a gift, something she thought I might enjoy. The book is entitled Escape from Slavery by Francis Bok. Like any overworked, underpaid English teacher with stacks upon stacks of essays to read/grade, I set the book aside with no real intention of ever picking it up again except to move it into my storage cabinet at the end of the year. Oddly enough not long after receiving the book I actually found myseld with time to spare (only at work...) and nothing to do; I decided to pick up the book. I was mesmerized and horrified by what I read -- by the pictures created in my mind's eye. Escape from Slavery is a memoir so to speak, of Francis Bok's 10 years in captivity as a modern day slave and then his overly difficult struggle to make his way to America -- and to freedom.

Rather than struggle with the concept of modern day slavery I felt as if I had witnessed it all and began to struggle with the necessary actions. I have spent the past two years finding myself never able to "let this one go" -- and was therefore thrilled to see some suggested steps laid before me on Sunday. But I have to say I'm not certain if I would have been so keen on action if I hadn't first read the book -- I don't know if I would have been able to take quite as seriously the situation (despite learning that I10 is THE corridor for human trafficking in the US -- and it's only a short 2 miles -- maybe -- from my front door) if I hadn't seen the situation through a freed man's words.

I know we're busy; it is so easy to get wrapped up in pre-school and doctor's appointments, in church functions and family gatherings, to get lost in the immediacy and the NOW of our daily lives. BUT...pick up the book -- you may have to dig for a copy, if you can't find one let me know and I'll loan you mine -- read the struggle and let Bok's words create a picture for you -- a real, honest, gruesome picture of what the modern day slave trade looks like. And then decide to do something, anything for the millions, literally, of people trapped in a world that is more horrific than anything we could ever imagine.

I like what Alex said as he ended his talk...(paraphrased) surely the body of Christ isn't too busy to devote a passionate and earnest prayer for these...they deserve this at least

Posts in Progress

Is it obvious from my lack of posts that this third pregnancy is pushing my brain to its limits?? Actually between running after two very active little boys, growing one little girl and trying to remember to occasionally take a shower I've been terrible about even remembering this blog-thing exists. BUT...I forced myself to sit down today and began working on two different posts -- one with a book recommendation after Sunday's sermon on the modern day slave trade/sex trafficking and one on thorns. Neither is complete but at least you know there is more coming. And if I don't make a decision soon I may have to ask for opinions on baby bedding...

Oh Joy! Oh Joy! We're having a...

LITTLE GIRL!! Yeah...I know the fake-out rhyme is lame but it's been swirling around in my head for a week. I was worried if I didn't get it out my brain might explode.

Here is a picture of our sweet little girl.



To say we were shocked is an understatement. I think my reaction was "SHUT UP!" when the tech pointed out her "girl-ness". Luke and I both thought from the beginning that baby was a girl but I think we convinced ourselves that it would be a boy since we already have the gruesome twosome. Now...we're both overwhelmed. We went shopping (DUH!) after the appointment and wandered around the stores wide-eyed, unsure of what to even touch much less purchase.

Naturally our good news didn't come without drama. The tech was running behind when we arrived so I saw my OB first and was then sent back to the waiting room. After almost 30 minutes of waiting and after watching the waiting fill up with other women and after hearing that most of them were waiting for ultrasounds I approached the receptionist to inquire exactly how far behind schedule things were running. She responded with confusion -- I was not on the ultrasound schedule. After some researching it appears that when I confirmed my appointment the day before the person I spoke with cancelled my appointment rather than confirm it. In turn the receptionist vowed to "get me in when it was possible" and she put my name at the end of the rather LONG list. Not my proudest moment but I have to admit that's when the pregnancy tears began to fall. Fortunately my OB's nurse happened upon the situation and took things into her very capable hands. We were called back for the ultrasound about 5 minutes later. I told Luke it was a good thing they had taken my blood pressure BEFORE that rather than after.

No matter...we got the news we wanted -- a healthy baby is growing within. We did have the tech check three different times to be sure that CT is in fact a girl. This is one I'm going to have to trust her training on -- I couldn't tell anything. Luke and I chalked it up to a lack of boy parts (those we have some experience spotting) had to mean girl. Now we're working on a name and nursery things. Her wardrobe is already being stocked and I'm in the market for large bows for her cute little head. Here's to an uneventful 17 weeks.

Baby Name Polls

In an effort to focus my anticipation for 7/15 in a constructive manner, all the while knowing this will only serve to make things worse, I put up a baby name poll for each gender set to expire on D-Day at 1pm. Will that be when I announce baby's name? HA -- yeah right! It'll take us a while to try names on CT until we find the best fit.

The poll is set up so that you can vote for more than one option for each gender. The names listed are possibilities -- and only that. It won't surprise me at all if we choose one that's not on the list; that's just how we roll. But I want to see what y'all think. Got another suggestion? Post it in the comments here. Leave the "I hate's" out mainly because ... well just because. I mean what if you posted you hated a name and I ended up using it; wouldn't you feel guilty every time you saw my kid??

Okay -- go vote.