Dear Friends,
This post comes to you from my very heavy heart. I'm not much into words tonight but I wanted to update you all on the latest situation with Isaac. We found out about lunchtime today that Isaac will be leaving our family sometime this weekend. He has a family who has passed his homestudy and will be given custody. As you think of us this week, would you pray for us? For God's healing and peace to be on us and for it to be palpable? We are all grieving -- even the boys.
Thanks,
The Pearson Family
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Talking in the bathroom
There it was, in red ink, staring me in the face -- evidence that Jack got another card change today. I hate those little red numbers. Today's offense? Talking in the bathroom. This is the second offense of this kind in a week, the third card change in that time. We draw a hard line in the House of Pearson, especially when it comes to behavior at school and church. Our rule: get in trouble at school, get in trouble at home. The infraction of the day means I'm sitting here trying to come up with an appropriate punishment. I'm at a loss. Oh don't get me wrong -- I have LOTS of punishments I can apply as appropriate sentencing for this crime. But it's really difficult to punish your child for something you don't really understand in the first place.
See I have two main issues with these bathroom-related card changes. First, both incidences were witnessed by another teacher. I'm not saying either teacher is lying or wrong but I do have to question if each has the same standards as Jack's teacher. Do these teachers not allow any talking at all while Mrs. M allows basic conversation but no playing? I don't know. Along that same line, as a teacher, I've always struggled giving consequences for behavior I didn't witness. Sure I'll talk to my kids about the behavior but I've always been a bit wary of applying punishment in that situation. Apparently Mrs. M doesn't share my line of thinking. That last bit isn't really an issue just a pedagogical difference that gets to me a little.
My other issue with the bathroom-related behavior is the expectation in general. Do these teachers really expect 5 year-olds to go to the bathroom, unsupervised, without saying a word to each other? Especially BOY 5 year-olds? Immediately after recess and lunch (when both of the infractions occurred)? I would never even expect my high school students to do that. I'm sure, somewhere, out there in bloggy-world, there is a mom whose 5 year old son would never talk in the bathroom if told not to and I'm sure there is a teacher whose kindergartners would never talk in the bathroom. But in my world that's just not a reality.
And so now I'm stuck. By definition of my own rule, Jack should get in trouble at home for getting in trouble at school. But how do you punish someone when you don't think they deserve it? I'm not sure I can NOT punish him only because of the message of inconsistency it sends. And in the I'm-smarter-than-you-so-I-don't-have-to-listen phase Jack's in, I don't think inconsistency is the best move right now ( as if inconsistency is ever a good parenting move...)
{sigh} I hate parenting days like today...
See I have two main issues with these bathroom-related card changes. First, both incidences were witnessed by another teacher. I'm not saying either teacher is lying or wrong but I do have to question if each has the same standards as Jack's teacher. Do these teachers not allow any talking at all while Mrs. M allows basic conversation but no playing? I don't know. Along that same line, as a teacher, I've always struggled giving consequences for behavior I didn't witness. Sure I'll talk to my kids about the behavior but I've always been a bit wary of applying punishment in that situation. Apparently Mrs. M doesn't share my line of thinking. That last bit isn't really an issue just a pedagogical difference that gets to me a little.
My other issue with the bathroom-related behavior is the expectation in general. Do these teachers really expect 5 year-olds to go to the bathroom, unsupervised, without saying a word to each other? Especially BOY 5 year-olds? Immediately after recess and lunch (when both of the infractions occurred)? I would never even expect my high school students to do that. I'm sure, somewhere, out there in bloggy-world, there is a mom whose 5 year old son would never talk in the bathroom if told not to and I'm sure there is a teacher whose kindergartners would never talk in the bathroom. But in my world that's just not a reality.
And so now I'm stuck. By definition of my own rule, Jack should get in trouble at home for getting in trouble at school. But how do you punish someone when you don't think they deserve it? I'm not sure I can NOT punish him only because of the message of inconsistency it sends. And in the I'm-smarter-than-you-so-I-don't-have-to-listen phase Jack's in, I don't think inconsistency is the best move right now ( as if inconsistency is ever a good parenting move...)
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Expansion can be a bit painful
We're expanding -- this young family of ours. We're stretching space and hearts and arms to welcome our new member. And as smitten as we are with him and as hopeful as we are that we are his forever family, the expansion hasn't come without its pain.
Some pains are easy to bear, like when I struggle to re-arrange living space to include baby-gear, and toddler-gear and preschool-gear. Or when Luke and I stand together in the church parking lot, the doors closed in a brief moment of silence, as we breath deeply preparing to re-configure the way we get 4 little ones from the parking lot into their classrooms, all without loosing one to cars or crowds. These pains, these baby pains, pass quickly; they are easy.
Other pains aren't so easy, aren't so temporal. Pains of expanding our hearts to welcome a new member. Pains of expanding our social group. Pains of stretching the time I have to meet the needs of my many little ones.
Perhaps the most difficult pains are the ones that cause expansion/adjustment in expectation. We're expanding to welcome Isaac all the while our understanding of his permanency is expanding. We thought it was a "slam dunk" of an adoption case -- at least that's what our social worker said. And now, we know little more other than that certain details have emerged that make it a little less certain. So we expand to love this baby knowing we may have to give him back. We're expanding to having a fourth child while also having to expand our comfort in our own skin. I don't really like unsolicited attention. Being a white mother with a black child means that it doesn't really matter what I like -- the attention is coming. And with each stare, each double-take my confidence wanes just a bit. And my love for Isaac expands. And it hurts just a bit.
When I was pregnant with Jack I knew that childbirth would hurt but what I didn't expect was that to take the bulbous shape of being with child I would hurt. As my body expanded it also pained. And with each baby, each change in our family, each expansion, we've pained a bit. But it's always been so worth it. And this time it will be too.
Some pains are easy to bear, like when I struggle to re-arrange living space to include baby-gear, and toddler-gear and preschool-gear. Or when Luke and I stand together in the church parking lot, the doors closed in a brief moment of silence, as we breath deeply preparing to re-configure the way we get 4 little ones from the parking lot into their classrooms, all without loosing one to cars or crowds. These pains, these baby pains, pass quickly; they are easy.
Other pains aren't so easy, aren't so temporal. Pains of expanding our hearts to welcome a new member. Pains of expanding our social group. Pains of stretching the time I have to meet the needs of my many little ones.
Perhaps the most difficult pains are the ones that cause expansion/adjustment in expectation. We're expanding to welcome Isaac all the while our understanding of his permanency is expanding. We thought it was a "slam dunk" of an adoption case -- at least that's what our social worker said. And now, we know little more other than that certain details have emerged that make it a little less certain. So we expand to love this baby knowing we may have to give him back. We're expanding to having a fourth child while also having to expand our comfort in our own skin. I don't really like unsolicited attention. Being a white mother with a black child means that it doesn't really matter what I like -- the attention is coming. And with each stare, each double-take my confidence wanes just a bit. And my love for Isaac expands. And it hurts just a bit.
When I was pregnant with Jack I knew that childbirth would hurt but what I didn't expect was that to take the bulbous shape of being with child I would hurt. As my body expanded it also pained. And with each baby, each change in our family, each expansion, we've pained a bit. But it's always been so worth it. And this time it will be too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)