I rarely repost emails I have received. In fact, if memory serves me correct, I have never reposted an email verbatim...until now. It is a little long but worth the read...
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you seeI'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "Whatnumber is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30,please."
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.
She's going ... she's going .... she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at myout-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, " I brought you this."
It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees." In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
1. No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
2. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
3. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit..
4. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it."
And the workman replied, "Because God sees."
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot see if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women. Author Unknown
Monday, March 31, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Better Questions...
It's no real secret that I am not a music aficionado. I like just about every type of music and because of this I have never slowed down long enough to determine a favorite genre or artist. I am the person that if the radio is on in the car, regardless of what's on (within reason of course) I probably won't change the station. This also means that if the radio happens to be off then it usually stays off. I have never been a purchaser of CDs -- mainly because I don't know the names of albums to request on birthday and Christmas lists and because I am a little too frugal to spend money on a CD if I don't know that I will like everything on it.
However...
This past Christmas, Luke and I attended a concert at my parents' church; the headliner was Newsong with Matthew West and Todd Agnew. I know enough of Newsong's music to be excited at the opportunity for some good Christmas music. I have to say that while both Newsong and Matthew West performed admirably, I was absolutely blown away by Todd Agnew. His Christmas album this past year is entitled "Do you see what I see?" and is based on the idea that those that were involved in the birth of Christ had very different perspectives on the situation. Todd's story-telling was wonderful and his song writing was inspired. Of course this meant that after the concert, Luke and I ran to the lobby to buy every one of his CDs. After listening to songs I knew like "Grace Like Rain" I decided to become adventurous and try out his "Better Questions" album. I can honestly say it is one of the most refreshing and difficult to listen to albums -- possibly ever.
As a musician, Todd is blessed vocally and instrumentally. But that is only part of why I have become such a huge Todd Agnew fan. The album "Better Questions" combines new and exciting sounds with ideas/feelings/questions/thoughts/doubts that I have had over the course of my very short walk with the Lord. The album challenges me each time I hear it. Of course as I write this I can visualize one of Todd's questions which while I cannot repeat verbatim here (the CD is in Luke's truck) basically asks why people look to musicians for complete spiritual guidance. Todd's album is not new in the sense that the questions he asks have plagued mankind for centuries (ie. "If you wanted me to be like You, why'd you make me like me?"); the new-ness, if you will, lies in the fact that in today's world of poster Christianity, Todd takes a risk to admit openly that he doesn't have things figured out, that while his faith is strong there are still aspects he doesn't understand (and maybe never will), that despite his best efforts to be as Christ-like as possible there are days that he fails miserably -- each one of these sentiments that echo loudly in my own life. When I mess up so completely I find myself thinking, "it's funny how a fish can obey you but I can't" -- which of course is quickly followed with the humbling revelation "well I can but I don't, and I want to but I won't and I don't do what I want to, I do what I don't mean to and I'm confused." (If you didn't pick up on it -- those are lyrics to one of his songs).
We recently had a sermon during which our pastor declared that one particular and popular praise song was not to be sung in the church again because it was theologically unsound. This was a shock to me -- I had never entertained the idea that a praise song would ever be contrary to what is Biblical. Of course after this sermon, I examine every song, whether in church or on the radio, for it's scriptural accuracy. I have been shocked to realize how many of the songs I hear, while musically pleasant, are completely false. This is another reason I am so fond of Todd's new album. His praise songs are so complete and so scripturally sound that after I have beat myself up, I can't help but walk into the presence of God and seek help and refuge there. Besides, there is nothing sweeter than a toddler asking to hear "Glorious Day" so he can sing "living He loved me, dying He saved me, buried He carried my sins far away, rising He justified freely forever, one day He's coming, O Glorious Day." While Jack has no idea what it means to be justified -- the knowledge that this information is first in his head and will eventually trickle down to his heart at the right age is precious.
So while not a personal anthem, I must say that this new album has made me re-examine, grow and cling a little tighter to the One to whom my faith belongs. There is so much more I could say but then you wouldn't have to explore the album yourself. Go find out what happens on "A Corner in Memphis."
However...
This past Christmas, Luke and I attended a concert at my parents' church; the headliner was Newsong with Matthew West and Todd Agnew. I know enough of Newsong's music to be excited at the opportunity for some good Christmas music. I have to say that while both Newsong and Matthew West performed admirably, I was absolutely blown away by Todd Agnew. His Christmas album this past year is entitled "Do you see what I see?" and is based on the idea that those that were involved in the birth of Christ had very different perspectives on the situation. Todd's story-telling was wonderful and his song writing was inspired. Of course this meant that after the concert, Luke and I ran to the lobby to buy every one of his CDs. After listening to songs I knew like "Grace Like Rain" I decided to become adventurous and try out his "Better Questions" album. I can honestly say it is one of the most refreshing and difficult to listen to albums -- possibly ever.
As a musician, Todd is blessed vocally and instrumentally. But that is only part of why I have become such a huge Todd Agnew fan. The album "Better Questions" combines new and exciting sounds with ideas/feelings/questions/thoughts/doubts that I have had over the course of my very short walk with the Lord. The album challenges me each time I hear it. Of course as I write this I can visualize one of Todd's questions which while I cannot repeat verbatim here (the CD is in Luke's truck) basically asks why people look to musicians for complete spiritual guidance. Todd's album is not new in the sense that the questions he asks have plagued mankind for centuries (ie. "If you wanted me to be like You, why'd you make me like me?"); the new-ness, if you will, lies in the fact that in today's world of poster Christianity, Todd takes a risk to admit openly that he doesn't have things figured out, that while his faith is strong there are still aspects he doesn't understand (and maybe never will), that despite his best efforts to be as Christ-like as possible there are days that he fails miserably -- each one of these sentiments that echo loudly in my own life. When I mess up so completely I find myself thinking, "it's funny how a fish can obey you but I can't" -- which of course is quickly followed with the humbling revelation "well I can but I don't, and I want to but I won't and I don't do what I want to, I do what I don't mean to and I'm confused." (If you didn't pick up on it -- those are lyrics to one of his songs).
We recently had a sermon during which our pastor declared that one particular and popular praise song was not to be sung in the church again because it was theologically unsound. This was a shock to me -- I had never entertained the idea that a praise song would ever be contrary to what is Biblical. Of course after this sermon, I examine every song, whether in church or on the radio, for it's scriptural accuracy. I have been shocked to realize how many of the songs I hear, while musically pleasant, are completely false. This is another reason I am so fond of Todd's new album. His praise songs are so complete and so scripturally sound that after I have beat myself up, I can't help but walk into the presence of God and seek help and refuge there. Besides, there is nothing sweeter than a toddler asking to hear "Glorious Day" so he can sing "living He loved me, dying He saved me, buried He carried my sins far away, rising He justified freely forever, one day He's coming, O Glorious Day." While Jack has no idea what it means to be justified -- the knowledge that this information is first in his head and will eventually trickle down to his heart at the right age is precious.
So while not a personal anthem, I must say that this new album has made me re-examine, grow and cling a little tighter to the One to whom my faith belongs. There is so much more I could say but then you wouldn't have to explore the album yourself. Go find out what happens on "A Corner in Memphis."
Monday, March 17, 2008
Recall...
For mommies of preschoolers...here's info on a recall that has actually affected us. Jack received these for Christmas. They are megastix. Inside these wonderful stix and balls are magnets which make building perfect for little hands. 
Unfortunately, the magnets appear to have the ability to fall out and as any mommy knows -- magnets and preschoolers are a bad combination. You can read about the recall from one of our local news outlets here.
Looks like tonight it's covert "Operation Toy Removal" for this mommy.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
New blog
I have changed the blog (an obvious statement I know). While the blog is no longer entitled "My Cluttered Brain" this in no way indicates that I have suddenly developed a way to organize my life. Rather, the new title, "Memoirs of a Mommy", is a nod to the realization that my cluttered nature is not a passing fad in my life...and that perhaps that's okay. So here's to the new blog -- a place to vent, to discuss things that a three year old would never understand, to brag on my kids and anything else I want to write about.
Plus it's pretty...
Plus it's pretty...
Monday, March 3, 2008
a fun game from a friend
My friend Lindsey posted this on her blog and I couldn't resist.
So here it is:
10 years ago:
I was 16 years old and busy spending my days either in band rehearsals or cheerleading practice. Around this time of year I would have been gearing up for cheer try-outs which meant lots of trips to the tanning salon and a new set of blonde locks. I was also dating a boy who would some day turn out to be the least successful person I know (and perhaps the dirtiest). SOOOO glad God's plans are better than my own!
Things on my to-do list today:
It's 8pm on a Saturday and things still to be accomplished include grading a stack of research outlines, laundry ad naseum, put away stuff from the baby shower this morning and I am hoping to also get in a little movie time on the couch with my husband.
What would I do if I suddenly became a billionaire:
Quit my job, pay the kids college, pay ALL the bills -- and who knows what else...
Three of my bad habits:
gossiping, eating (when I'm happy/sad/angry/celebrating, etc -- everytime except when I ought to eat), anger -- I have a mean temper that must learn to control.
Five job I've had:
mommy
teacher (from TAKS remediation to 9th grade all the way to 11th grade Advanced Placement -- you could say I'm an English-teaching stud)
Learning Specialist for TAMU
office assistant in COALS development office at TAMU (I took donations from a bunch of rich farmers and ranchers)
principal intern at a private school
Five things people didn't know about me:
I wish I was this complicated...
1. My math skills are atrocious. I can work derivatives and integrals but I can't divide fractions.
2. I secretly think about (and occasionally plan) opening a bakery someday. The silly thing even has a name and a decor scheme.
3. I sometimes wonder if I have already had my 15 minutes of fame...and if so, what was it? my name mentioned for honor roll a thousand times? and then I think that if I had known that was what I would spend it on, I would have been more of an attention hog.
4. I have never wanted to be President of the USA...but I do wish I was his personal assistant sometimes. The stuff that woman knows must be AMAZING (see my bad habits list)
5. Despite my best efforts, I am fairly certain that it wasn't my mad dance skills that won over my husband initially but rather my ability to speak intelligently about the Aggie secondary.
So here it is:
10 years ago:
I was 16 years old and busy spending my days either in band rehearsals or cheerleading practice. Around this time of year I would have been gearing up for cheer try-outs which meant lots of trips to the tanning salon and a new set of blonde locks. I was also dating a boy who would some day turn out to be the least successful person I know (and perhaps the dirtiest). SOOOO glad God's plans are better than my own!
Things on my to-do list today:
It's 8pm on a Saturday and things still to be accomplished include grading a stack of research outlines, laundry ad naseum, put away stuff from the baby shower this morning and I am hoping to also get in a little movie time on the couch with my husband.
What would I do if I suddenly became a billionaire:
Quit my job, pay the kids college, pay ALL the bills -- and who knows what else...
Three of my bad habits:
gossiping, eating (when I'm happy/sad/angry/celebrating, etc -- everytime except when I ought to eat), anger -- I have a mean temper that must learn to control.
Five job I've had:
mommy
teacher (from TAKS remediation to 9th grade all the way to 11th grade Advanced Placement -- you could say I'm an English-teaching stud)
Learning Specialist for TAMU
office assistant in COALS development office at TAMU (I took donations from a bunch of rich farmers and ranchers)
principal intern at a private school
Five things people didn't know about me:
I wish I was this complicated...
1. My math skills are atrocious. I can work derivatives and integrals but I can't divide fractions.
2. I secretly think about (and occasionally plan) opening a bakery someday. The silly thing even has a name and a decor scheme.
3. I sometimes wonder if I have already had my 15 minutes of fame...and if so, what was it? my name mentioned for honor roll a thousand times? and then I think that if I had known that was what I would spend it on, I would have been more of an attention hog.
4. I have never wanted to be President of the USA...but I do wish I was his personal assistant sometimes. The stuff that woman knows must be AMAZING (see my bad habits list)
5. Despite my best efforts, I am fairly certain that it wasn't my mad dance skills that won over my husband initially but rather my ability to speak intelligently about the Aggie secondary.
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