Walking in Other Shoes

We've all heard it, that phrase in its many variations that demands empathy declaring it beneficial; those of us in education have used it to instruct the young be they students or our own brood -- walk in someone else's shoes, how does it make you feel, think about what that means to others...

While an upright and correct way to teach the young, I have stumbled upon one small problem with our method. At some point we must instruct, we must be taught that to live in the shoes of others is to stop living our own lives. Living vicariously often leads to not living at all. The evidence to this truth is pervasive: Sam inevitably sits on the sidelines and watches Jack perform and only when I separate the two does Sam begin to stretch his wings, to experiment with his own existence; voracious readers find themselves sucked deeply into the lives, the worlds of their favorite story (consider the Harry Potter and Twilight phenomenon). I doubt that Sam is consciously aware of the often vicarious nature of his relationship with Jack -- right now he is simply in hero-worship awe of his big brother. The danger creeps in at the very moment he decides that watching is better than doing, hence the mommy-forced separation -- there is a need for both to develop without the other. But others, more advanced on the life journey do realize this break from reality (or if they do not represent an even larger concern) and it is to that group that I first relate and then issue caution.

So let me see some listening ears all you dreamers. Be careful in your dreaming you do not lose sight of the real, be watchful in your vicariousness you do not brake the realities unfolding in your own life, be cautious in your empathy you do not lose sight of your path. It's a thin line between dreaming and coveting, between taking a step in someone else's shoes and losing your own.

And in case you were wondering -- my listening ears, the ones who need to hear this the most, are wide open.