Why do I always choose flight?

If given the choice between fight or flight, why do I always choose flight? Especially in situations dealing with my kids, why don't I choose the fight option more often? Why am I so willing to flee than fight for my kiddos? I'm having one of those "I suck at this mommy business days" -- you know the ones where you take a retrospective look at events and your actions and reactions and realize that you failed your kids in a royal way. Well, that's my today. The events don't matter much but my reaction to them matters. When I should have been strong and brave and forthright and outspoken and a MOM I chose to be timid, quiet, passive. Are my kids going to pay for it? I hope not. Oh Lord I hope not. All this made me think about this mother rhino I encountered at Disney once. My sister reached her arm precariously over the side of the moving vehicle in an attempt to interact with an adorable baby rhino. Mommy Rhino was having none of it and was ready to attack Kristen and the moving vehicle all in an effort to defend her young. I should be more like that -- ready to protect my kids regardless of the source of harm. Rather what do I choose? I choose far too often to let my fear of rejection, my need for acceptance stifle my natural, God-given (and often justified) instinct to protect.


I was reminded (again) today how much I've been taught about faith since becoming a mother. You wanna know a humbling thought? Paul said he counted his gains as loss for Christ and His glory. I often choose not to stand up for my kids (while a lot of thought doesn't go into the decision, it is a choice nonetheless) because I am afraid of losing...losing comfort, losing friends, losing acceptance. How much more should my desire be to fight for my King?!?!! And how much more do I fail!!?!


A kick to the knee, a punch to the stomach, a hit to the head -- after the past few days my spiritual self is feeling a little beat up. Time to focus not on how much and how frequently I fail but to crawl into a lap and glory in perfect love. And after that what's needed? A good long talk in the mirror to answer the question I always ask Jack, "what did we learn from this?".