Here we grow again

It seems I find myself declaring in my best Paul-Revere-cry, "The Pearsons are growing! The Pearsons are growing!" (side note: don't know if PR actually cried anything...I'm just sayin'). Yes folks, once again we find our family growing for another member. Before you begin thinking of baby strollers and diaper cakes I should first say definitely I am not pregnant. Nope...no more babies from me. Let me explain.

After our third fairly traumatic birth experience (while not terrible in terms of what others have gone through, Grace's entrance was not standard!) and after our third NICU stay, Luke and I decided God was saying pretty clearly that we should stop having biological children. We thought about a lot and prayed even more and decided to make permanent measures in prevention. Then we found ourselves in an unexpected predicament. While we were sure we were being told clearly to stop having biological children we were equally sure that we were not being told to stop increasing our family numbers. After a lot of "now whats" and "what do we do's" we came to rest on the idea of adoption (more about resting later).

We've considered adoption several times before -- before we got pregnant with each of our current kids in fact -- and each time we considered the idea it was always in hypothetical "someday" land. This time, however, hypothetical "someday" land transformed into "here and now" boulevard. As we prayed and talked things became ridiculously obvious -- adoption is where we were headed. As newbies on the journey even knowing how to start the process was almost overwhelming; more than once I thought about quitting altogether simply because it was too hard. Fortunately, even though he credits me with the saying, Luke holds fast to the idea that "Pearsons don't quit." We kept plugging along and by God's grace found our way.

Lots of people have asked the same basic questions so I thought I'd answer them here.
So where are we in the journey?
1. We've found an agency. Every time we've considered adoption I would do research on agencies and types of adoptions and every time, over the course of 6 years I always came to the same agency. When we began the process of research this time I had forgotten about the agency and wouldn't you know it, I found it again. As I was considering the agency (and others as well) I began to hear stories of friends and friends of friends and friends of friends of friends -- all who had used this particular agency. After being unable to avoid it any longer I showed the website to Luke, told him my stories, and asked that he just look at it. He came home the next day and declared it "the one". We've chosen to adopt through Arrow Ministries. We like their child-first language and their commitment to adoption with a biblical worldview, among other things.
2. We've been "oriented". We dropped the kids off and attended a 2 hour orientation that left us with words like "fire starter" and "sexual aggression" floating through our minds (we were given a lot of worst case scenarios). But more than that we left with a sense of peace that we were in the right spot doing the right thing. Truthfully we expected to be told no, to have the door proverbially slammed in our faces; yet everything we encountered that night was a green light onward. We were also comforted knowing that we had reasonable expectations in our minds -- ours wasn't an overly rosy outlook.
3. We've applied. We spent hours pouring over the initial 19 page application and then it was mailed. Now we are working on the 2nd application -- 11 pages, complete with floor plan and pictures of the outside of house, weapons inventory and pet vaccination proof. Then Luke and I each have to complete a 4 page ministry assessment and statement of faith; attend 8 3-hour initiative classes; certify in CPR; attend medication training and behavioral restraint classes; arrange for a fire marshal inspection and complete a home study. Oh and have FBI fingerprinting and background check done and arrange for all 5 of us to have a TB test (won't that be grand?!). THEN we'll be active and ready to match.

What kind of child are we looking for?
We are in a foster-to-adopt program which is a little different than straight adoption. First let me say we are willing to complete a standard adoption. Unfortunately because we are working with a state agency and with children whose parents aren't (typically) voluntarily relinquishing rights, standard adoptions are a little challenging. Foster-to-adopt is exactly what it sounds like: we will foster a child until he/she is eligible for adoption and then we'll adopt. In Texas, birth parents have up to 12 months to get "things" together before termination of rights proceedings can begin. After the 12 months parents have 30 days to appeal and birth family members (gparents and such) have 90 days to appeal. Only after that point will DFPS begin adoption paperwork. We would rather our child stay in our care during the fostering period rather than someone else's care only to transfer to us when he/she is eligible. I know the next question is "what if your child is returned to birth parents?" To that we say "GREAT!" We will no doubt be sad but if a child's parents can get their lives together enough to care for the little one then that's wonderful. That being said -- Arrow's case load trends toward adoption placement rather than reunification (60-70% of their kids go on to adoption compared to the state's 40%). The child placement coordinator screens cases carefully and tries her best to place kids in foster-to-adopt homes that have the highest chance of adoption consummation. We've requested a child that is 0-5 years old and male with no restriction on ethnicity. We are open to accepting a sibling set of two boys or a boy and a girl within our age range. We can't accept more than that due to space (plus the state will only allow 6 kids period...).

What is our time frame?
Remember I said I'd return to the idea of waiting? Here's where it comes in. We actually don't have a time frame. If you had asked us even 2 months ago what our adoption time frame was we probably would have responded in years. Now we're talking months. This entire process is one large exercise in waiting on God's timing. Here's what we know: as we talked and prayed about the idea of adoption it became very clear that our time table and God's time table didn't match. So we changed ours. Then we discovered very quickly that God wasn't calling us to follow His plan after He revealed it but rather that we are called to follow Him...period. So that's what we're doing. We are taking one step at a time and wait until we're given the green light before we take another. Some days it's very clear we're supposed to stop everything and focus on paperwork and processes; other days it's very clear that paperwork is to be put away in lieu of other things. We do know that we have required trainings that will have to be repeated if we don't finish "stuff" within a calendar year. We also know that we could potentially be placed with a child within days of finishing said trainings (assuming our paperwork is done...which it isn't...). So to answer the question -- we have no time frame. For those that aren't quite satisfied with that answer -- maybe by Jack's next birthday? Maybe sooner? We don't know!!

Are we crazy??
Yeah -- you kind of have to be a little crazy to decide 4 children is right for you! And we'll have 4 under 5 (or 6 depending on the time frame). I suppose we could have 5 under 5. EEEK! So yeah we're a little crazy...but I kinda like our kind of crazy!

What can you do to help?
You can pray for us! We are on a very new and very unknown journey. While we know what having children is like, we have no idea what it's like to adopt. Beyond that our current kids have never really wanted for anything. Our new child will not have had that luxury and that will impact how we parent him/her. Pray for our child. Truthfully, when I allow myself to think about him/her, I find myself crying because I know that potentially the situation he's in right now is terrible. Pray for his/her protection. Then get ready to love on him!! He won't know what hit him when he meets our large crew of family and friends!
The other thing you can do is talk -- to us and others about this process. Got advice? Pass it on! Have a resource we should look into? Send it my way! We are looking into the public health care system for the first time (the child will be on Medicare while still in the foster system). And soon we'll have to look into attorneys and potentially therapists and all sorts of "stuff".
We shouldn't need anything else -- we have all kinds of "kid things" and gear. We have to install some fire equipment (communicating fire alarms?!) and we have to get the house in order for a home study but those should be no big deal -- if we remember to take them in stride.

Feel free to ask any questions you have. We love to talk about our journey! I'll keep you posted with developments as they occur and we are able. Also -- feel free to visit Arrow.org for more information on our agency and adoption/foster programs.