Random Thoughts -- Cooking fail

I like to cook and bake and do all things kitchen-y and I'm pretty good at it.  But every cook has an occasional mess up, a flub, a flop, a big ole ugly FAIL.  There are few things in life that make me as frustrated as a cooking fail.  Luke doesn't get it. I think to his science-bent brain even failures are an experiment from which to learn.  To me, it's just a fail.  And I hate to fail, avoiding it if all possible.  Neurotic much?

This week has seen two fails and I'm about ready to hang up my proverbial apron (not real because that would mean I'm a clean cook and nothing could be further from the truth).  Monday saw the dinner hour arrive with the chicken breasts still solidly frozen in the sink, despite being thawed all.day.long. (Just remembered to check the settings on the freezer, might be set a bit low...)  So we ate out and I sulked over my can't-remember-what-we-ate dinner.  Wednesday I tried a new recipe from Pinterest (failproof right?!?! wonk).  My pizza rolls turned into pizza scented hockey pucks. Knowing I make rockin' good cinnamon rolls, the fact that the pizza rolls failed just about ruined my night.  I soothed myself with some brownies...I won't mention how many.

I tried to explain my issues with kitchen failures to Luke.  Tried to compare it to him failing at his job.  He's sweet and reminded me that cooking gourmet food (ha! as if) is not actually my job, that it's much bigger than that.  It didn't do much to salve my wounds.

Now I'm gun shy about trying anything new again.  My goal tonight?  Get the spaghetti on the table. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

Anyone else struggle with this?

2013-2014 Pearson Academy First Day of Class

It's that time again.  School has started!  We have a brand new school room now that the boys have been moved back upstairs. I'm hoping the new space will help a bit since all the furniture is more kid-sized and the littles now have a place to play out of ear shot of the Jack.  Here are the obligatory first day pics and the curriculum we're using this year. 

 This guy is in third grade.  Thank God for grades at church or I would forget half the time.  Between the varying levels he does in all the curriculum I can't keep up! This promises to be a challenging year for him -- he's reading 99 books in 36 weeks! And that's not including any "for fun" reading he may do!  This year Jack's curriculum is:

Math -- Singapore 4A&B, standards edition

Reading/Writing/History/Geography/Worldview -- Tapestry of Grace, Year 3, lower grammar level

Bible -- How to study your Bible for Kids by Kay Arthur

Grammar -- Growing with Grammar, level 3

Chinese -- Mandarin by Rosetta Stone

Typing -- Typing Instructor for Kids

Handwriting -- A Reason for Handwriting C

Science -- Apologia Flying Creatures of the Fifth Day

Not a lot of change from last year as far as publishers go. We just added in a few subjects.  And it wouldn't be the first day of school if I wasn't already wanting to change something...but that will wait for another time ;)

 This little man is officially in Kindergarten, although if you ask him he'll tell you he's in first grade.  Some of his curriculum is first grade work but some is Kinder.  We are actually using this year to see how he progresses.  If he flies through stuff like he seems bent on doing, this may actually count as his first grade year.  We don't want to rush him or push him but I can only pull back on those reigns so hard! Sam's curriculum this year includes:

Math -- Singapore 1A&B, standards edition

Reading/Writing -- Institute for Excellence in Writing's Primary Arts of Language

Bible -- ABC Jesus Loves me (a free online curriculum)

Science -- Apologia's Flying Creatures of the Fifth Day

Sight Words -- a whole mess of stuff I've gathered ;)

Typing -- Typing Instructor for Kids

Spanish -- Muzzy Online

Last but not least, Little Miss isn't schooling much at home.  But she was not about to be left out of the picture taking this morning!  Grace will attend preschool two days a week but that doesn't begin until September.  The other days of the week she will be working through some Rod and Staff preschool books, Get Ready for the Code A (prequel to Explode the Code), busy bags and art projects.  She's also going to spend quite a bit of time in mommy's lap reading books.  We are slowly introducing her to Spanish through Muzzy Online, but only because she asked.  The same is true of typing.  I don't expect her to type at all but perhaps it will help with letter recognition and she likes it.  If ever she decides she doesn't, it (and Spanish) are easy to leave out.

Our schedule this year will be a little different than in years past.  We are only schooling Monday, Wednesday and Thursday on the "traditional" subjects.  Tuesdays we will participate in a local coop where Sam will do some Five in a Row, and Jack will work on Texas History and Science of Simple Machines.  Fridays are for enrichment and we will work on Health (it's that time for Jack...sheesh!), science (experiments with dad, fun lessons like nerf gun physics, lego building, etc), and humanities (artist studies, composer studies, cooking lessons, etc).  I'm figuring that by the time it all gets added together, the days will count as a very full school year.  

All in all the first day went well.  We all struggled to get the cobwebs out and as Jack said, we needed to "figure out how to get [our] brains working again."  even mom! It's now lunchtime and the kids are all basically done with the boys finishing up some co-reading during quiet time.  I'll call it a GREAT first day!

Where I've been

Things are slowly returning to a new-old normal around here.  That's where I've been...trying to upturn my upside-down life.  We've moved the boys back into their room, moved the school room back where it was planned to be, moved thoughts of forever to thoughts of experience.  Truthfully though, we can clearly see that the move to a family of 5 is a good thing.  Our kids are adjusting well.  They no longer strive to be older than they are, no longer look to impress.  They are learning to play together again, something that hasn't happened in a year.  We've spoken with the girls and they are thriving in their new-old home.  They have reconnected with friends (something they hadn't managed to do the year they were here) and family.  They have sparkle in their voices and seem to be fitting in nicely.

Other than all things moving, I'm preparing for a new school year.  Again, this will look a bit differently than those before it.  Sam is excited to start -- he's insistent that he's in first grade. In some areas he is; in others, not so much.

I'm hoping to be on here more now.  There are plans for Jack to make appearances here as a guest writer so look forward to that!

Where the girls have gone

Posting information like this is so extremely impersonal but it's the fastest way to disseminate information quickly -- a quality born of a purely selfish desire to not have to tell everyone I see for the next month and beyond.

We were recently contacted by family members of May and Ana, and were informed that they have been searching for the girls even before they came to live with us.  It is their heartfelt desire that the girls return home to them.  After much prayer and deliberation, we decided to allow this transition.  Our hope in starting the adoption journey was to give a home and family to a child/children who have none.  It is apparent, after speaking with the family, that the girls have a very loving and very attentive family.  Reunification with the birth family, if safe, is always a better choice -- just not one we thought we'd have to make.

The girls left Monday.  We drove them home and were able to meet their family and see their home. It is full of love and memories and so much joy.  My girls have baby pictures again!

We desperately seek your prayers for our family.  This is hitting all 7 of us extremely hard.  My three little ones are losing siblings for the 3rd time in 2 years.  My girls are moving for the 3rd time in 18 months.  The forever family doesn't look like we thought it would anymore. We also ask that you respect the decision we've made, our request for privacy regarding the details left out here, and our need for healing.

Thank you for walking this journey with us.

The Limp Saga, part 2

I've posted before about Sam's limp. (Need the backstory?  You can read it here.)  Well the saga continues.

After a 6 month wait we FINALLY had an appointment with the rheumatologist.  Dr. DeGuzman is AMAZING!!  She did a thorough physical and took the most complete medical history of all time.  She wasn't phased at all that she saw Sam on a "good day" (meaning his limp was so incredibly minor it was difficult to appreciate it during exam). She had no doubt that we had seen him in much worse shape -- I didn't even have to pull out my phone to show her videos as proof!

The good news -- it doesn't appear to be muscular in nature.  Dr. DeGuzman honed in on the fact that I have Crohn's.  This, combined with that Sam has pain in his sacrum, has Dr. DeGuzman hunting for a particular genetic marker, hla b27.  Basically sacrum pain in kids as young as Sam is super-rare. The genetic marker we're looking for is seen in people who have a negative rheumatoid factor (which Sam has) but who have a particular type of arthritis (not gonna name it now b/c we don't need to start researching it until we know).  She also mentioned that his pain could be a precursor to Crohn's (which also shares the hla b27 gene).

Sacrum pain is difficult to examine because of the location (base of the spine).  Dr. DeGuzman said Sam's muscles reacted to the pain but she wants to see that joint better.  Soooo today we are heading to TCH-West Campus for an MRI.  While there she is also having his left foot scanned as well.  Remember the last bone scan?  And how we were told it showed he limped?  Yeah...apparently it was the wrong foot that showed that limp.  The bone scan shows blood flow in the bones.  If Sam had been favoring his right foot, his left would have shown an increase in blood flow.  But that's now how it worked out.  He was favoring his left and it was his left that showed an increase in blood flow.  Thankful Dr. DeGuzman caught that!  She examined his foot closely and found that he has mid-range pain.  What that means is this:  On the scan, there is a HUGE white spot on his left foot (showing the increased blood flow) in the middle.  When she stretched and bent and twisted his foot, she was able to determine that his foot is causing him pain (in the middle, not the toes or heel).  Because of all this she wants an MRI of his foot too.

If you think about him today, would you pray for sweet Sammy?  It's a no-big-deal MRI but he has to be sedated which always makes me a bit nervous.  I'll keep you posted as we get new info.

Papi Battle 2013

It's gone on long enough; Grace's love affair with her papi (her pacifier) needs to end.  We've tried before -- once right before the twins moved in I almost broke her of it.  But the turmoil of special needs newborns sent her over the edge and I caved in an effort to right at least part of her little world.  Again, before the girls came home I had her only using it at night and again the turmoil of new people and new places rocked her little psyche but I was determined to hold fast...until her new sisters decided to give in to her regardless of my wishes.  I can see clearly when I'm in a losing battle so I caved again.  But it's time, time to declare freedom from papi.

We had a brilliant plan for our girly girl.  We'd let her earn stickers for papi-free time (it started as whole days, then moved to daylight hours only and then quickly to 8 hour stretches!) and once she earned 14 stickers she could go to the "paint store" with Mommy (it's what she calls the nail salon).   This papi-free experiment started, full of excitement and promise, Tuesday afternoon, and though she didn't quite understand the full-measure of what we were asking her to do we pushed forward.

So far Grace has 2 stickers.  She went to school all day Wednesday with no papi -- one sticker!  She survived after-school-Dora-watching and dinner and church with no papi -- one sticker!  She then began to sound like a broken record repeating the word "papi!" over and over and over again as she sat on her bed.  I got the message -- papi at bedtime it was.  Bedtime was part of the papi-battle we had decided to fight later so we let her have it.

About 4am today, in her sleep, Grace popped that papi out of her mouth and began to scream-cry, "I don't want any stickers! I don't want any stickers!" Yep, that's right, my sweet baby girl was having a nightmare about losing her papi.  Her daddy's heart isn't sure he can fight the papi-battle anymore.  We're going to try to stay strong...but if you see her strolling around town with that papi in her mouth you'll know we lost.

Because I should post

It's not been good lately friends, not good at all.  There are a host of reasons I could trot before you but they don't really matter.  Adoption is hard, having 5 kids is hard, cramming 7 people in 3 bedrooms is hard, transition is hard.  I've talked about all this before...nothing new. 

I figured I should put something down on this old blog in hopes of keeping (ahem, jump-starting) my rhythm.  

So I'm sitting up at midnight listening to some new hymn rec's from my friend Lindsey; I've just finished cleaning off the counter, switched over another load of laundry (will that ever end??), typed my VBS curriculum notes and am firmly trying not to do anything else on my to-do list.  The house is quiet and my mind is not.  I'm trying to drown the noise of life and the world with truth of my Savior in hymn form.

A lady cursed at me today because my kids were in the street.  Another lady shook her finger at me for the same reason. Sunday someone from my church (she didn't recognize me but I recognized her) stopped and gave me quite the lecture for letting my children ride their bikes in the street. If I didn't know better I would think the street is a ridiculous place for a child to ride his bike.  I've been  trying to remind myself all day that my kids were behaving, weren't in the wrong.  More noise...

I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus the Nazarene...

I fought with my daughter most of the day.  Lots of tears, a bit of yelling (shocking yes, I ran out grace too quickly) made for a terrible day.  Some days (most days lately) I feel like I've got the words, "I just don't know what to do" on a repeating track.  More noise...

And wonder how he could love me, a sinner, condemned, unclean...

A friend of mine got her daughter today.  What glorious blessing!  And my arms ache for the babies that won't come home here anymore.  I wonder if that desire will ever fade. The fixer in me spins out of control trying to find a way to get that part of me what it wants.  More noise...

So I stand on every promise of your word...

The house, oh the house.  I've heard from the Lord on this one.  And I don't understand.  But I've heard so I will cling to that.  The house deserves it's own post.  Maybe I'll write that one next.  But knowing doesn't always make things easier.  More noise...

So I'll stand on every promise of your word...

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art

Thou my best thought, by day or by night

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

no more noise...