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Today I wept...wept for the mortality of my son. I stared deep into the face of his humanity and wept. I wept for my inability as a mother to protect him as I should; I wept for the errs in his path; I wept for the stumbling blocks I placed in his way when I truly believed I was clearing the road ahead. And then I wept for being so human-minded -- for clinging to Christ myself and diving deep to become the mother my son so desperately needs all the while thinking that the term "primary faith trainer" meant "primary faith giver"; for assuming that enough songs and stories and appropriate cartoons would be sufficient to stave off the enemy that is hungry for my son; for praying that I would be molded but failing to realize that my son's molding would be done by The Potter not by me.

Someone called my son a sinner yesterday and while some piece of me has always known this is true to have the word said aloud struck me to my core. For the first time I was afraid for him, for his life, for his death. And then everso calmly and rationally my gentle giant of a husband gathered up my fears, wiped away the tears and refocused my eyes of the Giver of Life. The beautiful man that has grown before my eyes into a giant of faith guided me back to my Savior, back to the foot of the Cross, back to the basic truths of my faith. Thank you God for answering prayers I didn't even know I should pray, for meeting needs I didn't know existed, for solving problems I couldn't even see. Thank you for my husband, for his gentle spirit, his unending grace, his unconditional love and for his commitment to You and to our family.

This evening my spirit is raw but I have hope. I look into the glittering eyes of my son and the cold hard facts of his imperfection are present in my mind yet I can't help but glory in the knowledge that he has been called of God for a righteous purpose. My enemy wants to claim this day as a victory for himself but God will not let that happen. In my arrogance I failed to be faithful but my God did not fail in His faithfulness; He acknowledged my questions on mortality and sin then He showed me His fingerprints on my baby-who's more of a bigboy's being. Lord thank you for providence; thank you for faithfulness; thank you for new mercies each morning; thank you Lord for your infinite nature and your complexity that stretches me, sometimes confuses me but always amazes and provides for me.