Serious parenting dilemma here folks -- need some insight. Hopefully there is a preschool teacher reading or a more experienced mom or at least someone with a half more clue than I have....
Background info pertinent to problem: Attempting to teach kids to be independent. At 3 this includes solving playground problems without tattling -- when a kid hits Jack knows to express his lack of appreciation for the action to the offender first (with words not fists). While I understand that as a man-in-training Jack is a warrior in God's image it simply will not do to have him pummel every bully out there -- plus we all know the guy who hits back is the one that gets caught, it's never the kid who initiates.
Setting: At church after Wednesday night meal, in the gym waiting for WAM (kids choir) to start. Little kids are running amok, parents are off to the side watching and chatting.
Scene: Jack runs up to me holding his crotch. My first thought is that he is about to have a bathroom emergency (sometimes he plays a little too hard and forgets to go). Oh no...was I ever wrong. His eyes well up with tears and he says, "that boy kicked me in the weiner." (ouch I think) So I give my usual tattling comeback (and yes in this instance the tattling was warranted but still...Jack has more than a sufficient vocabulary to handle himself here) "well you know what to do -- tell him you don't appreciate being kicked and that it really hurt and ask him not to do it again." Jack was ready for this response, answered okay and ran to confront his attacker. Good boy I thought. At this point I begin watching Jack a little more closely (and the kicker too). Jack is running with his best buddy Mason and then stops to talk to a grown-up who has joined the game. I recognize said grown-up as kicker's mom. At that point kicker walks up, rares back and kicks Jack AGAIN in the crotch AGAIN. I expected kicker's mom to handle things so I simply walked over and collected my injured child. All mom did was say the little boy's name (Luuuuukkkkeee) and let him continue playing. THAT WAS IT...
So here is the dilemma -- In hindsight I realize that I should have taken a more active role in the situation and said something BUT there will undoubtedly be times (like school for instance) when situations like this are repeated and no adult is there to intervene. How do I teach Jack to handle this situation? I don't want Jack to walk around kicking kids in the crotch but perhaps in this situation a kick in the man business would've taught the offender a lesson worth learning. I don't want to raise fighters but I certainly don't want to raise sissies either. At 3 I suppose the responsibility falls to me to solve the problem (with the mom not the kicker) and I failed miserably last night...but the situation will inevitably repeat at some point in Jack's lifetime.
uggghhhh...the entire situation left me feeling yucky and out of balance all night.
2 comments:
You're right - that is a predicament. Hmmm...this is what my intentions are with Jake: As long as he's under my care (not at school, church, etc.) I plan to confront Parent with both kids in tow (offender & victim). If Parent is not appropriately responsive, I'll probably say something very loud & tacky like "Honey, I'm sorry this boy hurt you. Let's find someone else to play with that won't bully you" and walk away. :) But when he's in school, he'll have to know that I can't be there to defend him and he needs to find a grown-up to tell. I teach my Kinder kids that it's not considered tattling if someone gets hurt or might get hurt. Role play is a HUGE help in getting them to understand the difference. Sorry this is so long - hope it was helpful! :)
Hey, at least your not the crazy lady who spanked the other lady's kid who "pushed" her own child down... points there mom.
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