VOTE!!!

Luke and I are working on painting the study. Included in this post are the three choices for paint. Now it is time for you to sound off -- let me know which you like. The pictures aren't great but you get the idea...

Choice #1

Bayleaf above the chair rail, craft white for the chair rail and Barley below the chair rail (this option could also be reversed...just didn't take a picture of it)

Choice #2

Craft white chair rail and barley for the walls (above and below chair rail)

Choice #3

Craft white rail and bayleaf for walls

The study will be decorated in an outdoor theme -- we have lots of artifacts (old maps from National Parks, mounted fly fishing stuff, etc) with dark furniture. It's a bit of a nod to Luke's outdoor life -- well the one he had before me because goodness knows I'm not exactly a "camper" kinda girl.

Anyway -- let me know what you think!!

6 word Memoir

So my friend Cassie tagged me to write my 6 word memoir about a hundred years ago. At first I was just going to throw some words down and call it a day but being the parent of two small children the time to accomplish that was lost -- which gave me time to start thinking about which 6 words I would actually use. I must say this has been quite a challenging process...but here's what I came up with. My 6 word memoir for my life right now...

Ransomed
Dedicated
Craftswoman
Partner
Nurturer
unfinished

I think I am now supposed to tag others. Rather than that, I challenge everyone to try to write your own 6 word memoir. It's actually an eye-opening experience.

Joining the ranks

My last post was an email from my mother. While the email itself was moving the text that mom supplied was more than enough to send me over the edge.

She wrote, "For you: one of a set of my most treasured achievements. And now my sweet Cathedral Craftswoman, pass this on to the other young/new craftswomen you know...because it's easy to lose sight of the "why" behind the building."

My entire mother-lifetime of 2 years, 9 months, 1 week and 3 days I have spent living in two different worlds. Between the hours of 7 to 4 I am a teacher to hundreds of students. My own children get sent to back burner so to speak -- often I am so entangled with my job I am unable to leave if my kids get sick at school. After 4 I go home to be mommy and do all the things that mommies do -- I just have to cram everything into a few hours each night. I have often felt that my cathedrals are being built by someone else, that I am at best an aloof foreman on the project.

Not so anymore. While most of my social friends (read non-work) know, the official word hasn't reached my collegues -- I am taking back my construction projects. As of June 2, 2008, I will officially take a position as full-time mommy. I am leaving the classroom after 4 years to join the ranks of stay-at-home-mommies. To be completely candid, I have never been more nervous and terrified. It is true that I stay home in the summer with the boys but summer ends and I have a place to escape to if I so choose. Additionally, as the previous post included, I am a bit afraid of losing myself. I worked hard to become a good teacher. In four years I have accomplished things I expected to take a lifetime working for; there are things on the horizon that will take me from the classroom and place me in an administrative role making serious curriculum decisions not only for my school but for the entire district. The power I would have is dizzying. But I am willingly walking away from all of that...and that scares me just a little. So the previous post spoke volumes to me -- not only because in one small sentence my mother acknowledged me as one of her greatest achievements and as a member of the race of mothers but also because it solidified for me the wonderful task on which I am about to embark.

On days when changing another pair of dirty pants or cleaning up one more milk spill might just send me over the edge, I hope I can think back to this email and to the words of my mother and remember that while things might look an awful mess to me, that something wonderful is in the works.

For my Fellow Cathedral Craftswomen

I rarely repost emails I have received. In fact, if memory serves me correct, I have never reposted an email verbatim...until now. It is a little long but worth the read...


It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you seeI'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "Whatnumber is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30,please."
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.
She's going ... she's going .... she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at myout-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, " I brought you this."
It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees." In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
1. No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

2. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

3. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit..

4. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.


A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it."
And the workman replied, "Because God sees."
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot see if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women. Author Unknown

Better Questions...

It's no real secret that I am not a music aficionado. I like just about every type of music and because of this I have never slowed down long enough to determine a favorite genre or artist. I am the person that if the radio is on in the car, regardless of what's on (within reason of course) I probably won't change the station. This also means that if the radio happens to be off then it usually stays off. I have never been a purchaser of CDs -- mainly because I don't know the names of albums to request on birthday and Christmas lists and because I am a little too frugal to spend money on a CD if I don't know that I will like everything on it.

However...

This past Christmas, Luke and I attended a concert at my parents' church; the headliner was Newsong with Matthew West and Todd Agnew. I know enough of Newsong's music to be excited at the opportunity for some good Christmas music. I have to say that while both Newsong and Matthew West performed admirably, I was absolutely blown away by Todd Agnew. His Christmas album this past year is entitled "Do you see what I see?" and is based on the idea that those that were involved in the birth of Christ had very different perspectives on the situation. Todd's story-telling was wonderful and his song writing was inspired. Of course this meant that after the concert, Luke and I ran to the lobby to buy every one of his CDs. After listening to songs I knew like "Grace Like Rain" I decided to become adventurous and try out his "Better Questions" album. I can honestly say it is one of the most refreshing and difficult to listen to albums -- possibly ever.

As a musician, Todd is blessed vocally and instrumentally. But that is only part of why I have become such a huge Todd Agnew fan. The album "Better Questions" combines new and exciting sounds with ideas/feelings/questions/thoughts/doubts that I have had over the course of my very short walk with the Lord. The album challenges me each time I hear it. Of course as I write this I can visualize one of Todd's questions which while I cannot repeat verbatim here (the CD is in Luke's truck) basically asks why people look to musicians for complete spiritual guidance. Todd's album is not new in the sense that the questions he asks have plagued mankind for centuries (ie. "If you wanted me to be like You, why'd you make me like me?"); the new-ness, if you will, lies in the fact that in today's world of poster Christianity, Todd takes a risk to admit openly that he doesn't have things figured out, that while his faith is strong there are still aspects he doesn't understand (and maybe never will), that despite his best efforts to be as Christ-like as possible there are days that he fails miserably -- each one of these sentiments that echo loudly in my own life. When I mess up so completely I find myself thinking, "it's funny how a fish can obey you but I can't" -- which of course is quickly followed with the humbling revelation "well I can but I don't, and I want to but I won't and I don't do what I want to, I do what I don't mean to and I'm confused." (If you didn't pick up on it -- those are lyrics to one of his songs).

We recently had a sermon during which our pastor declared that one particular and popular praise song was not to be sung in the church again because it was theologically unsound. This was a shock to me -- I had never entertained the idea that a praise song would ever be contrary to what is Biblical. Of course after this sermon, I examine every song, whether in church or on the radio, for it's scriptural accuracy. I have been shocked to realize how many of the songs I hear, while musically pleasant, are completely false. This is another reason I am so fond of Todd's new album. His praise songs are so complete and so scripturally sound that after I have beat myself up, I can't help but walk into the presence of God and seek help and refuge there. Besides, there is nothing sweeter than a toddler asking to hear "Glorious Day" so he can sing "living He loved me, dying He saved me, buried He carried my sins far away, rising He justified freely forever, one day He's coming, O Glorious Day." While Jack has no idea what it means to be justified -- the knowledge that this information is first in his head and will eventually trickle down to his heart at the right age is precious.

So while not a personal anthem, I must say that this new album has made me re-examine, grow and cling a little tighter to the One to whom my faith belongs. There is so much more I could say but then you wouldn't have to explore the album yourself. Go find out what happens on "A Corner in Memphis."

Recall...

For mommies of preschoolers...here's info on a recall that has actually affected us. Jack received these for Christmas. They are megastix. Inside these wonderful stix and balls are magnets which make building perfect for little hands.

Unfortunately, the magnets appear to have the ability to fall out and as any mommy knows -- magnets and preschoolers are a bad combination. You can read about the recall from one of our local news outlets here.

Looks like tonight it's covert "Operation Toy Removal" for this mommy.

New blog

I have changed the blog (an obvious statement I know). While the blog is no longer entitled "My Cluttered Brain" this in no way indicates that I have suddenly developed a way to organize my life. Rather, the new title, "Memoirs of a Mommy", is a nod to the realization that my cluttered nature is not a passing fad in my life...and that perhaps that's okay. So here's to the new blog -- a place to vent, to discuss things that a three year old would never understand, to brag on my kids and anything else I want to write about.

Plus it's pretty...