Sam is twitterpated

My Sammy's got it bad. Love that is. A little girl from his pre-school class and his church class named M has my boy in quite the tizzy. I watched him plant a full-on-mouth kiss on her at the Mother's Day tea at school this spring. And I listened the entire semester as he spoke of nothing but M. I, stupidly apparently, assumed the infatuation would end when school was over and he wasn't seeing her as often. I was wrong, so very very wrong. Things are only ramping up in that department.

Recently he's started telling me he's in love. Yes those are his exact words. He is in love and M is in love and so they are going to get married because that's what you do when you are in love. Sam has started picking out wedding details (the church and the flowers -- just like mommy and daddy's wedding) and there is talk of the 5 sons and 2 dogs they will have when he is daddy and M is the mommy. Luke and I told him he should probably consult with M on the 5 sons part! We've also mentioned that perhaps he should wait to talk to M's daddy before he starts planning to get married to her.

Yesterday, while driving in the car, the topic of conversation suddenly turned to family reunions. After I explained why Daddy's cousins weren't at the reunion for Grammy's (my mom) cousins, Sam declared that M was his family. I asked how that was possible and he non-nonchalantly replied, "because we're in love."

We're working on directing Sam to think they are just good friends but this is a battle we are losing. As he says, she is not his girlfriend. They are in love -- there's a difference.

The groanings of a family

It's happening again, that groaning accompanying the stretch of adding new family members. With the addition of two new to our flock I'm surprised the groaning isn't audible elsewhere. Both the babies are home now and have been for about 2 weeks. As a whole they are doing wonderfully. They've acclimated to the extra noise and general commotion that comes with living with other little kids. They are beginning to get used to seeing our faces and hearing our voices. Unfortunately both have been a bit under the weather each battling a different bug. And these bugs have meant little to no sleep for us...more on that in a bit.

The big kids are adjusting. We are dealing with expected behavioral outbursts from all of them -- extra noise, extra tears, extra pushes against our boundaries. They are also a bit needy for affection -- each vying for more time in our laps and more attention of our eyes and ears. This has all happened before and it will fade as quickly as it began; it just wears on mom and dad while in the middle of it.

As I alluded to earlier, sleep is a priceless commodity around our house and one that is rarely found. Luke and I are tired and so the groaning is a little louder and perhaps more woeful. One of the babies refuses to sleep without being held so it's often true that the parent of the night only gets about 1-2 hours of sleep total. That wears on the body, mind and soul and so we are bone-weary.

Personally I'm struggling with spiritual issues because of my exhaustion. I've allowed myself, foolishly, to forego any quiet time and serious Bible study and I'm paying the price. My lack of attention has allowed cracks in my armor and those are being used against me. Any little seed of evil -- doubts from people unsupportive of our decision to adopt, criticisms posed as questions -- these are growing into full-blown ugliness inside me. I've had to spend a lot of time today praying and reading, trying to fill up and fix what I've allowed to empty and break.

This afternoon has been better and I've no doubt things will continue to improve. They have to sleep eventually, right? ;)

The A-Team: An Update

It's been two weeks since we were placed with our newest little ones. I've been meaning to update this but I've been lost in a fog that is VBS. Fortunately for all my readers, Andrew doesn't believe in sleep and I've got so many VBS thoughts zooming around in my head that sleep alludes me. So here it is -- a 4am A-Team update!

Andrew is doing well. He's gained almost 2 pounds since we've had him and he's really starting to chunk up. This a really good thing -- the less fragile you are in this zoo, the better! He's not sleeping -- except during the middle of the day and then he's dead to the world. We're working on that. We're battling some eating issues because his mouth is just so stinkin' small. It's difficult to find a bottle that little that also lets milk out as fast as he'd like. We're on brand number 5 now. Other than that he's a happy little guy -- and boy do I mean little!

Andre is still in the NICU. He's having difficulty maintaining his oxygen saturation while eating. Luke visited Tuesday and reported there wasn't much change. Andre was still only allowed 4 bottle feeds/day and he was requiring oxygen during/after the feeds to boost his oxygen levels. This is a typical preemie thing and one we'll just have to wait out. Unfortunately there isn't a pill or a drug or anything that can remind a baby to breathe while he eats. We did this with Jack except Jack didn't have breathing issues -- he just couldn't remember to make his heart beat while he ate. Details, right?! I'm set to visit tonight so I'm hopeful that at least some progress has been made. Given the slow progress we've seen so far, though, Luke and I are inclined to guess Andre will be a due-dater. We don't expect him home before the end of June unless something dramatic happens.

I won't know anything about the case or the likelihood of permanency until our court date in early July.

That's about it! We're working on feeding and growing Andrew and wrapping our minds around taking care of two newborns!

20 new toes

There is still a huge, massive, gargantuan part of me that can't believe I'm actually writing this post. At 9:15 Wednesday morning we made the decision to open our foster home to new placements. And at 3:53pm that same day Luke called to tell me that we'd been placed. With a sibling set. Actually a set of twin little boys. That's right -- twins!

Born May 19th, the boys were a little early but are healthy as can be expected for such little guys (each barely weighs in at 4.5 lbs as of now). Andrew came home to us this afternoon and is so incredibly tiny. Baby Andre is still working on his breathing and eating in the NICU and will probably stay there another 2 weeks or so.

As always I can't say much else due to privacy issues. I don't know much to be honest. We don't even know if the boys are identical as we haven't seen Andre yet. Once I get them both home I'll post a picture.

Like before, we are hoping to adopt these little guys. The case looks promising but it's so early that really anything could happen. The reality of adoption is hitting us in waves as we go; raising two little boys the same age is going to be a new kind of interesting for us.

And so our little family has grown by 20 toes and 20 fingers and a whole bunch more!

Back in the thick of things -- adoption update

This entire adoption process has been a serious lesson in waiting. Can I just say that? We knew it would be but knowing it and living it are two very different animals y'all. I'll admit freely that I haven't handled Isaac's leaving very well. I had a difficult time staying engaged in life and focused a lot of energy on surviving not thriving. I was also exercising some M-AA-JOR spiritual disobedience. My human ignorance logic-ed that since the last time I was obedient things got gross and since I don't do willful disobedience well I'd just avoid hearing from God so I wouldn't be asked to do something I didn't want to do. Smart plan, huh? I can feel the tsk's from here from some of you. That's okay, I want to be honest about this entire process. Fortunately for me, God is truly a lover of my soul and so he pursued me, calling me ever-so-gently back into the thick of things. His grace was bountiful in my pain and so forgiving of my disobedience. And now, friends, it's time to engage.

For the remainder of May our foster will stay "closed" as we wait to hear some news (any news at this point) regarding 7 different straight-adopt or legal-risk placement cases for which we've submitted our home study. Supposedly it would take 30 days to hear anything but we've come to learn, again, that timelines mean a whole heapin' helping of squat in the world of CPS. Assuming we don't hear anything by May 31st, we are opening our home to foster placements June 1st. This is when I think we'll actually get kids. While I've run from foster care since Isaac left, as God has been gently righting my upturned vessel he's been reminding me of His original call. Luke and I feel very strongly that we've been called to foster care. We don't want to be forever foster parents but our hearts bleed for those kids, so often forgotten by everyone. We are committed to being foster parents who are willing to adopt, even if that means we lose more placements. That's a hard pill to swallow friends.

So that's where we are -- for the next 8 days we'll stay closed to foster placements. We hope to hear something positive on the permanent placements in that time. But if we don't, foster care here we come!

Be praying for our little family. We are ready for more kids but I'm nervous about the effect of losing another placement. We are going to change, slightly, the approach we take in weaving this family together this time.

Home is where it's happenin'

I really wanted to title this post "home is where it's at" but I couldn't bring myself to end with "at" -- shivers up my spine and "between the a and t" raced through my brain.

I mentioned in my last post that we have several reasons for homeschooling Jack. "Why?" seems to be the first question I get every time someone finds out about our new adventure, usually preceded by a look that declares me crazy. If I'm going to post about the idea of homeschool then I suppose I should start with the exigence of our decision.

These are in no particular order.

1. Extreme pedogical differences between the public school system administration and me. Remember the issue I had with money for grades at the beginning of the year? There were several instances like that throughout the year. It may sound radical but I think the principal should run the school, not the PTA. And I think the welfare of all students should be important, not just the ones with the most familial support and money.

2. Curriculum differences. Jack began Kindergarten unable to read but able to do multiplication. We didn't teach him to multiply nor did we quiz him on his facts. It's just something he picked up...somehow. When I inquired about accelerated curriculum for Jack in math in September I was told he would need to complete the outlined math and that there might be time at the end of the year for more. All this meant that Jack worked on counting to 10 for more weeks than I can remember. In the same vein, I've been a little concerned that Jack is still switching some of his letters. He's not dyslexic but it seems like this is an easily fixable mistake if it were actually addressed...which it hasn't been. Bottom line -- one size definitely does not fit all and as much as we as educators like to throw around terms like "differentiation", there is only so much a teacher can do with a classroom full of kids. At home we'll be able to accelerate math, work on some problem areas in reading, dig deep into science and actually start language studies (something Jack is BEGGING to do).

3. Jack is a boy. Duh right? The American classroom is not designed for boys. Period. Boys need to run; they need space to stretch those large muscle groups that will make them men. The classroom doesn't provide this for them. In an age of budget cuts and pressure from uninformed sources that our students are poor-performing because they don't spend enough time in the classroom, important facets like PE and recess have been cut or minimized to the point of almost non-existence. Jack, for example, spends the first half of his day in the classroom -- from 815 until noon. Then he's shuttled to lunch, specials (music, art, pe), recess and then back to the classroom for snack. That's just not going work. I recently discovered that he stands up for most of his school work. His body is aching to be used to the point that he can't get himself to sit. Understand me clearly on this point. He does not have ADD/ADHD. This is not a discipline issue. This is an issue of his body and brain needing more full-body exertion to be successful. At home, I can offer him this. We won't have to wait for 15 other kids to get in line to go outside; Jack can just go and run when it's time.

4. The spiritual component is simply not present. Again here me clearly on this point. I am not trying to shelter my child. YES I am trying to protect him. Jack professed his faith in Christ almost a year ago, so yes technically his faith is his to defend. However to say that he is a "baby Christian" is an obvious statement. Just as I wouldn't send my 18 month old baby into a crowd on her own expecting her to navigate the potential dangers found therein, so too we aren't comfortable sending our son into the world to defend his faith. Warriors don't train for battle during the battle. I know this is a point that many will disagree with but remember these are our reasons...not yours.

5. Jack's personal growth needs. This is actually big one. Jack has spent the last year of his life tired. Call me crazy but he has the rest of his life to be tired -- at 5 he should enjoy the rest he needs. He's up at 7, gone all day with no nap, and then under the weight of homework until dinner and then bed at 730. He's exhausted every day. Jack needs more sleep. He needs to option to rest during the day, to unplug his brain and rejuvenate. He also needs the ability to eat on his body's schedule. He needs a morning snack and possibly an afternoon one too. At school he can't get those. At home he can.

And that's it...at least all I can remember right now. I'll post another day about our curriculum choices (that's the part of this I really dig!).

A plain old boring update

I almost made it two full months without updating, didn't I? Makes sense I would, since I committed to writing something anything everyday for 30 days, hoping to create a habit. It would make sense that I'd forget about this thing completely seconds after making that commitment. I digress. The point is I'm back with a basic, plain, old, boring update.

We'll start with the kids. The gruesome twosome and the princess are all doing well. Jack is about to finish Kindergarten (12 more days!). He loves it, school that is. He was placed in the GT program and started attending a special class for that in March. There he is really flourishing. After watching him all year pull against the reins of public school schedules, we've decided next year Jack will school at home. We have a host of reasons for homeschooling but all boil down to that it just seems like the best fit for Jack and our family. I'll post an entire entry on our reasonings soon, I promise.

Sam is about to finish his first year of pre-school. He is every bit a three-year-old little boy, but don't dare tell him that. According to Sam is on his way to being a grown-up, even doing stretches in the morning to make his legs "grown-up legs" and such. He is perpetually stuck between baby and big boy, never sure whether to stretch his wings (and attitude) or revert to baby talk and lay in my arms. He is still as precocious as ever and has a knack for flashing his perfect smile at the exact right moment to prevent his utter destruction.

Both boys are all-stars on the baseball field. Actually we're just glad when Sam chooses to play and not lay down in the infield like he did one afternoon. He loves the game though and announces at the end of each practice that he "won the game." Jack is truly a good little ball player. He's got an eye for the game and quick reflexes that are paying off in the field. He's a lefty batter which will be nice once he makes it to coach pitch and beyond. I always wanted to push my boys to football but watching how much Jack loves baseball I think I'm going to have to shift that line of thinking a bit!

Grace is...well she's Grace. She is beauty and fire, darling and devil all wrapped up in a blue-eyed, dimple-filled ball of cuteness. She is my little spit-fire. She loves her shoes and having her toes painted, and eating dirt and joining in kung-fu battles with her brothers. She is getting very adept at manipulating the men in life and gets very angry when Mama sees right past those batting lashes and dimpled cheeks. We're still working on talking and I'm hoping to break the pacifier habit soon. She acted, briefly, interested in potty training but that passed as quickly as it appeared.

Let's see...I suppose our housing situation is next. Our house is still on the market, again. We re-listed in April and truthfully we've experienced first hand the dry real estate market as we've had fewer showings this spring than we did in the fall. Hopefully it will sell soon. We haven't really looked at anything new yet, afraid we'll fall in love with something that will be gone before our house sells.

And last the adoption -- it's been almost 2 months since we said good-bye to Isaac. Things are getting a little easier everyday but there are still times we ache for our little curly-headed boy. Currently our foster home is closed. Originally we intended on re-opening May 1st but decided to postpone it in light of some adoption hopes. We've submitted our home study on 7 different cases (some singles, some sibling sets) that are straight-adoptions or legal-risk adoption placements. We've been told it takes about 30 days to match to a child/group of children. Hence the extension of our closed status. We were hoping May would bring news of a permanent adoption placement. So far we've heard nothing. Right now we are set to re-open our foster home June 1st. And that's all I know...

So there you go -- an update! Maybe jumping that hurdle will open the gates of creativity and post after post will come issuing forth. Or maybe I'll just remember from time to time to write a little something...