Open Letters from this weekend

While the menfolk were busy in the backyard tackling the fort project, I was in the house working on more domestic pursuits (mainly preparing breakfast/lunch/dinner/snacks to keep them all fueled up for the massive undertaking). During some of my excursions I ran into some folks who need a good stern talking to. I passed the opportunity to dish out the tongue-lashings but thought I would share with you the thoughts that ran through my head.

Dear Lady at Starbucks,
I realize that there is socially acceptable status that comes with purchasing beverages at Starbucks; for some inexplicable reason it makes one seem sophisticated. However, may I remind you that the current temperature is hovering around the 40 degree mark with a 700 mph north wind. You are bundled from head to toe with every winter accessory you have ever purchased -- probably to prove to your husband that these items are not, in fact, superfluous purchases. Given all of this information I need to ask -- why in creation are you purchasing 7 (that's right SEVEN) vanilla bean frappucinos???? First, do you realize that you are purchasing an overpriced MILK SHAKE???? Go down the road to Jack in the Box -- I promise you theirs are better AND just as bad for you as the ones you are purchasing!! There is absolutely NO coffee or caffeine related products in your purchase which begs, again, the question -- WHY ARE YOU IN FRONT OF ME???!!!! Second, do you realize that it is extremely COLD outside?? And do the people you are taking these SEVEN frappucinos to(because no one person can drink seven right??) also realize it is FREEZING outside? Seriously. All I need is venti drip to complete my grocery venture. Please...move...
(this conversation changes if the weather outside is warm -- because then I can understand the icy deliciousness of a frap over the heaviness of milk shake).

Dear Man at the Self Checkout Machine in Randall's,
I'm not sure if you realize it or not but these machines are for people with a few items -- like me for instance, needing only a block of cheese and some macaroni to complete my chilimac meal. They are not, actually, for people like you with a mountain of groceries. Did you check this out before you began because, really, does the machine look like it's set up for that kind of load to you??!!??? Furthermore, in case you were confused the title "self checkout" implies that all the check-outing is to be done by SELF!! This does not mean that you stare at the machine until the poor kid who is supposed to monitor all 4 spaces has to come check out (and bag) all of your groceries for you. If you would like that kind of service -- which I'm sure you would given the amount of food you are purchasing, I know when I do my shopping for the week I like some help -- PLEASE go to one of the regular lines. It's better for everyone!!

To both I end, sincerely,
The Frustrated Mother of Two in Line behind You

P.S. Next time we meet I cannot promise that I will contain the beasts that shop with me. I cannot promise than even if I can contain them, that I will...