July 15th...

D-Day is quickly approaching -- discovery day that is. I'm almost crazy with anticipation about finding out Chicken Tart's gender. (side bar -- Jack decided that we should name the baby Chicken Tart. Since I couldn't think of anything else to call it we went with Chicken Tart or CT for short). But it seems that there is also a strange and rather unexpected emotion bubbling under the surface. The more people ask about CT the more I encounter those individuals that make me want to plan a trip to the hills for that date in July, taking with me the revelation we discover. I call them the Girl Group. The Girl Group consists of individuals who obviously have a preference for this baby's gender -- as if they get a say. The only questions asked by this group revolve around girls -- names, nurseries, clothes, etc. If a member of the GG happens to ask about boys the change in tone and facial interest is remarkable, seeming to be more out of necessity than actual curiosity. The members of the GG often make comments about how I "deserve a girl this time" as if I did something bad to get the two boys I already have; they say things like "hopefully this time it's your girl" as if the first two children were pulls from God's great grab-bag that simply didn't work out in my favor, as if all women are entitled to having a daughter.

What scares me the most about the Girl Group is the fear of disappointment I can see hiding behind their fake "what if it's a boy" smiles. (which by the way -- when I hear that question I have to choke on the urge to answer "well I guess we'll shove him back in there and try to pull out another.") The news of this pregnancy wasn't met with complete joy -- there were more than a handful of people that were less than excited. Facing that realization, having the joy of the moment sucked out was brutal. I don't want to do that again. I don't want to announce July 15th "It's a boy!" only to be met with pity smiles and comments like "well at least you don't have to buy more clothes". No sentence should start "well at least" when referring to the upcoming arrival of a new life. We went into this pregnancy honestly expecting a boy; precedent has been set after all. We didn't have this baby to try to get a girl; we're having this baby to grow our family. Truly if we find out we're expecting a 3rd boy we will be thrilled -- we're already talking about the 3 amigos. If it's a girl we'll be equally excited. The only reason we are finding out gender early at all is so we can put a name to the little person wiggling around in my mid-section (a name other than Chicken Tart that is).

So as July 15th approaches I find myself simultaneously wishing the hours would fly by all the while hoping they slow to a crawl. I think I may not reveal right away -- perhaps I'll keep things just to myself, relish and delight in the news for a while before I share things and the new is rubbed off and the joy is tarnished. But then again I've never been good at keeping secrets...

A writing mess

Forgive the last post -- no I won't delete it. It seems I've put away the writing tools a bit too long as getting back in this saddle isn't coming as easily as I'd hoped. Hoping to improve as time passes...

Mommy Advice

I have several friends who have either just had or are about to have their first baby (none of these are in my ABF as it seems we are all single-mindedly focused on "be fruitful and multiply" to the extreme...). With the new additions often come the requests for recommendations and advice. After enduring mountains of unsolicited and often unhelpful advice with Jack I'm reticent to offer advice without a specific request. At the same time I can't help but think of all the things I wish I had known, things I would have done differently, tips and tricks I see as lifesavers. Recently I began to think of the ONE thing I would tell a new mom or mom-to-be; what one piece of advice would I impart (I have more than one but no one wants to be inundated!) if I had the chance. It seems quite simply that I would say, "Do what works for you." Before you back away in alarm, remember who's speaking -- I'm not one for the "whatever feels right is right" mantra in almost every situation. Outside of basic child-rearing techniques (not shaking baby, feeding and changing regularly -- the stuff CPS would bust you on if you failed to do...) however, I have to admit that the best piece of advice I can give it simply that.

I carried mountains of guilt with Jack (and Sam too...) regarding the things I thought I should be doing, the ways I was failing him and on and on and on. It wasn't until my very logical husband pointed it out that I realized it didn't matter what the experts, the books, my friends and family said -- what mattered was what worked for us. We let both boys sleep on their stomachs (gasp); we formula fed both boys after a few months; we never let baby sleep in our room (with Sam we didn't even use a monitor!); we never wake a sleeping baby -- EVER; we changed pediatricians when Jack was a few months old because our relationship with the first soured; we both worked out of the home until Sam was 6 months old and Jack was almost 3; our boys were offered pacifiers immediately; we switched regularly between breast and bottle while I was nursing -- mama needed a little sleep every now and then!; we let our boys cry it out at night (and it didn't always work! Jack made himself sick doing it and trust me sleeping baby in the arms is more preferable to a crying one sitting in his own puke any day!). Now we answer honestly just about every question Jack has; we let Sam test his own physical limitations by climbing and running and jumping; we welcome messes made as the boys explore their world; we spank when the boys misbehave and also discuss the problems with them (yes...even Sam gets conversations about his behavior); we strive to provide as many opportunities for growth in areas that seem to be natural gifts for each boy (Sam's right now is in the physical world while Jack's often falls in the realm of philosophical).

And you want to know the basis for all these decisions? It wasn't a particular book or Bible study; it wasn't an idea stolen from a friend or a respected mentor. It was simply us doing what works best for our family. Some decisions were born out of a philosophical belief and others from a practical one but all developed because they worked for us. It's taken a long time for us to learn this lesson and I have my suspicions that we haven't quite achieved mastery -- but we're getting closer.

So to the new moms and moms-to-be out there: jump in with both feet, try things out -- if they don't work, feel free and confident to change without fear of permanent damage! And to those of us with littles underfoot all ready (yes us -- I need a reminder probably more than all of you), remember you're Mom -- God put you in that position which means He knows you have what it takes to get the job done for your brood.

100 years...

I know...it seems like 100 years since I posted last. And truth be told, the muse has left me for a while so there isn't much to say now. I blame it on the new baby -- sucking all the available blood from my brain and funneling it to my uterus. Nonetheless, a post to say I'm alive, we're alive, all's well. I have a few things brewing...we'll see if they ever make it to publication. For now this will have to suffice -- the boys are nearing the end of lunch and it's time I started the clean-up and nap process.

Gratitude through anger

I just composed a lengthy post outlining and expounding upon some issues that have sparked a fire of anger within me. I deleted the post. As much as I want to vent, want to rave, want to lash out, I won't. It does no good. Yes I felt immensely better after composition but I have to consider how much damage might be done in my wake. There is no room on my shoulders for that kind of burden. So instead of anger I decided to focus on gratitude, those things in my life for which I am grateful. Hoping the change of focus will push out those "other" thoughts, the ones that would consume this hot-head faster than I care to admit.

For piles and piles of laundry, evidence of lives lived in full and fun

For living-room studded like a mine-field with toys, temporal memories of laughter and learning and love

For new, precious pictures of unborn babe and for attitude that isn't quite captured in the still of photography (this one seems as wild as the first two!)

For happy days of respite from morning/noon/night sickness. Ahhhh...to eat without punishment!

For loving partner, husband, friend -- ready on one day to fight for honor, the next to gently care through sick and the following to empathize with emotions too large for one person.

For tall grass, desperate for a trim -- evidence of healthy rainfall, God's plenty poured out for us

For a voice -- not so tiny any longer -- loudly teaching, instructing on Jesus's Disciples despite mother's prodding that time would simply not allow such a lesson.

For a God, awesome and powerful, listening close enough to touch mother's heart, to whisper in mother's ear that time is always available for disciple lessons, to remind mother her primary job is to train up the child in the way he should go

Mom and Me Pics

Every Father's Day I forcefully drag ask politely and gently coerce the boys into taking Daddy and Me pictures. By far these are my faves and I cannot wait to take this years; I've already booked the appointment. However, as much as I like these pictures I've never had a desire for Mommy and Me -- perhaps it's because I'm not a huge fan of having my picture taken. Anyway, this year Luke begged and pleaded on bended knee asked nicely if I would agree to the session. To be nice I said yes and had the pictures done. While I don't like them nearly as much as I do the Daddy and Me Pics, they turned out nicely and Luke is happy.

Here is a link to the photographer's blog with a slideshow of the recent Mommy and Me sessions -- There are three in the slideshow of me and some combo of the boys. Check 'em out.

Laura Odom Photography

Lately...

Where I (and my brain) have been lately.

~~~update: Soooooo glad it isn't Stella. See below if confused.


** Wondering if water is so "natural" why it makes me have to puke.
** Wondering why two-year-old molars come in WAY before two.
** Wondering (and sometimes worrying) why Jack writes his letters backwards but can read them correctly. Along with this is wondering (and again worrying) how I'm going to convince a 4-year-old that it's okay to be different when it comes to handedness
** Wondering why in the world it's not November yet...or at least June. (can you tell I'm over this morning sickness bit??) and then wondering why I don't have more patience to enjoy the ride even when it undoubtedly sucks.
** Wondering how long I can actually go without cleaning my house before we're overrun with filth (seriously...the 2nd trimester can't come soon enough).
** Wondering if I'm actually going to get some pink with this baby...and if I do, wondering what in the world I'm gonna do then??
** Wondering what to call the new addition. I don't even have a fake name for this baby yet. (For those that don't know, we called Jack - Octavius Deshante and Sam -- Judah Ben-Hur until we knew boy or girl.)
** Wondering how two little boys can drink 1274923987732 gallons of milk a week. And how after drinking that milk they don't weigh two tons each.
** Wondering how only two little boys can destroy faster and more completely my house and backyard than the entire playgroup of over 25 little kids in one afternoon. Must be all the milk.
** Wondering when we're going to get to the "mother" in How I Met Your Mother and hoping it isn't Stella...