Sometimes I do not feel capable to raise my childeren

First of all, this is Luke writing---which should explain the poor grammar---I just had to share an interesting experience.

So I finished up reading Jack his bedtime story and told him that tomorrow we would be reading "Jesus feeds 5,000." Jack, being is typical inquisitive self, asked 5,000. I proceeded to explain that it meant 5,000 men and that if our family had been there only I would have been counted--even though Jesus would have also fed Mommy, Sam and him. Jack then added "and Ginger (our dog), too".

I paused and said "I dunno...I guess he would have fed Ginger."

To which Jack responded, "DAADDD, 'even the dogs eat the scraps that fall from their masters' table'."

That is right my 4 year old son, just corrected me---citing scripture (Mathew 4:27).

Toilets, tushies, and timing

**** WARNING!!! THIS POST TALKS ABOUT POOP. DON'T WANNA READ ABOUT POOP? SKIP THIS POST!!****




(I love how I mention "poop" twice in the warning...hope you weren't trying to actually avoid it!) Tonight I've cleaned urine and poop (two different times) leading me to wonder if in this circumstance people would still think it's abuse to staple my son's diaper to his boo-heiney. (disclaimer -- not actually considering this, crazy fools...) Here is where we stand. I do NOT want to potty-train Sam, at least not yet. He is young by any standard and especially young for a boy at only 21 months. Sam however HAS decided that diapers are yesterday's garbage (pun totally intended). This morning he quietly ducked into the downstairs bathroom, removed his poopie diaper, wiped himself spotlessly clean (amazingly clean actually), pulled his pajama bottoms up and continued on about his morning. Only when I gave him a hug while preparing breakfast did I realize he was sans-diaper. After a fretful search of the house I discovered he had delicately placed the diaper, wrapped up, in the trash can. WHAT??!!!??? Who does that? Having kept the training potty out I pulled out the potty book today thinking if Sam understands enough of the act to accomplish this morning's stunt perhaps a reading or two while on the new seat would encourage more. Throughout the day Sam would pull off his diaper, run to the bathroom and...do absolutely nothing. Not disappointed I let the act continue hoping to preempt the next attempt or at least catch him in the act. NOPE. After dinner today, he let 'er rip...quite literally, leaving me to clean the carpet not once, not twice but thrice (love using thrice...). Add to this his latest fad of stripping his diaper from his bum, running around au naturale only to bring me a diaper when it's "time". I'm stumped. I can't keep a diaper on the kid; he can pull his own pants down, remove his diaper and clean himself. I obviously can't let him run around the house bare-booty leaving Sammy-piles in his wake. I also can't imagine it's a good idea to continue the habit of bringing mom a diaper when the mood strikes, so to speak -- that can't instill good habits. I have no idea what to do. Ideas? Suggestions? Funny stories to make me feel better???

Some words to make a picture

This past Sunday our pastor and a small group of his colleagues engaged in a round-table type discussion on the modern day slave trade/sex trafficking. For those not familiar with Alex or who might like to hear the discussion I am sure you can catch a podcast of Sunday's talk on Kingsland's website. Discussions on world issues often leave me feeling a bit like I'm drowning; faced with problems of such enormous scale I struggle to wrap my very finite brain around them much less am able to work toward any sort of viable action on my part. In particular Alex and his cohorts did an excellent job of identifying the problem and then very specifically outlining potential action steps for us "regular" folk (my words, certainly not theirs). It is, however, far too easy for me when faced with the seemingly insurmountable task of even understanding world tragedies such as slave trade to dismiss them after a few days time -- often because it's too much for me to grasp.

If pictures are worth thousands of words how do we communicate dire needs if no pictures exist? This conundrum sprang to life on Sunday -- how do you adequately describe the idea of a modern day slave trade to an audience full of suburbanites?? There simply aren't pictures to show -- not really -- especially none that the average church-goer would deem "appropriate" for Sunday morning. The only option is then to provide words, thousands upon thousands of them. That's where this post comes in...

Two years ago (almost three now...) a bright student named Katherine laid a book on my desk; it was a gift, something she thought I might enjoy. The book is entitled Escape from Slavery by Francis Bok. Like any overworked, underpaid English teacher with stacks upon stacks of essays to read/grade, I set the book aside with no real intention of ever picking it up again except to move it into my storage cabinet at the end of the year. Oddly enough not long after receiving the book I actually found myseld with time to spare (only at work...) and nothing to do; I decided to pick up the book. I was mesmerized and horrified by what I read -- by the pictures created in my mind's eye. Escape from Slavery is a memoir so to speak, of Francis Bok's 10 years in captivity as a modern day slave and then his overly difficult struggle to make his way to America -- and to freedom.

Rather than struggle with the concept of modern day slavery I felt as if I had witnessed it all and began to struggle with the necessary actions. I have spent the past two years finding myself never able to "let this one go" -- and was therefore thrilled to see some suggested steps laid before me on Sunday. But I have to say I'm not certain if I would have been so keen on action if I hadn't first read the book -- I don't know if I would have been able to take quite as seriously the situation (despite learning that I10 is THE corridor for human trafficking in the US -- and it's only a short 2 miles -- maybe -- from my front door) if I hadn't seen the situation through a freed man's words.

I know we're busy; it is so easy to get wrapped up in pre-school and doctor's appointments, in church functions and family gatherings, to get lost in the immediacy and the NOW of our daily lives. BUT...pick up the book -- you may have to dig for a copy, if you can't find one let me know and I'll loan you mine -- read the struggle and let Bok's words create a picture for you -- a real, honest, gruesome picture of what the modern day slave trade looks like. And then decide to do something, anything for the millions, literally, of people trapped in a world that is more horrific than anything we could ever imagine.

I like what Alex said as he ended his talk...(paraphrased) surely the body of Christ isn't too busy to devote a passionate and earnest prayer for these...they deserve this at least

Posts in Progress

Is it obvious from my lack of posts that this third pregnancy is pushing my brain to its limits?? Actually between running after two very active little boys, growing one little girl and trying to remember to occasionally take a shower I've been terrible about even remembering this blog-thing exists. BUT...I forced myself to sit down today and began working on two different posts -- one with a book recommendation after Sunday's sermon on the modern day slave trade/sex trafficking and one on thorns. Neither is complete but at least you know there is more coming. And if I don't make a decision soon I may have to ask for opinions on baby bedding...

Oh Joy! Oh Joy! We're having a...

LITTLE GIRL!! Yeah...I know the fake-out rhyme is lame but it's been swirling around in my head for a week. I was worried if I didn't get it out my brain might explode.

Here is a picture of our sweet little girl.



To say we were shocked is an understatement. I think my reaction was "SHUT UP!" when the tech pointed out her "girl-ness". Luke and I both thought from the beginning that baby was a girl but I think we convinced ourselves that it would be a boy since we already have the gruesome twosome. Now...we're both overwhelmed. We went shopping (DUH!) after the appointment and wandered around the stores wide-eyed, unsure of what to even touch much less purchase.

Naturally our good news didn't come without drama. The tech was running behind when we arrived so I saw my OB first and was then sent back to the waiting room. After almost 30 minutes of waiting and after watching the waiting fill up with other women and after hearing that most of them were waiting for ultrasounds I approached the receptionist to inquire exactly how far behind schedule things were running. She responded with confusion -- I was not on the ultrasound schedule. After some researching it appears that when I confirmed my appointment the day before the person I spoke with cancelled my appointment rather than confirm it. In turn the receptionist vowed to "get me in when it was possible" and she put my name at the end of the rather LONG list. Not my proudest moment but I have to admit that's when the pregnancy tears began to fall. Fortunately my OB's nurse happened upon the situation and took things into her very capable hands. We were called back for the ultrasound about 5 minutes later. I told Luke it was a good thing they had taken my blood pressure BEFORE that rather than after.

No matter...we got the news we wanted -- a healthy baby is growing within. We did have the tech check three different times to be sure that CT is in fact a girl. This is one I'm going to have to trust her training on -- I couldn't tell anything. Luke and I chalked it up to a lack of boy parts (those we have some experience spotting) had to mean girl. Now we're working on a name and nursery things. Her wardrobe is already being stocked and I'm in the market for large bows for her cute little head. Here's to an uneventful 17 weeks.

Baby Name Polls

In an effort to focus my anticipation for 7/15 in a constructive manner, all the while knowing this will only serve to make things worse, I put up a baby name poll for each gender set to expire on D-Day at 1pm. Will that be when I announce baby's name? HA -- yeah right! It'll take us a while to try names on CT until we find the best fit.

The poll is set up so that you can vote for more than one option for each gender. The names listed are possibilities -- and only that. It won't surprise me at all if we choose one that's not on the list; that's just how we roll. But I want to see what y'all think. Got another suggestion? Post it in the comments here. Leave the "I hate's" out mainly because ... well just because. I mean what if you posted you hated a name and I ended up using it; wouldn't you feel guilty every time you saw my kid??

Okay -- go vote.

Speed Limits and Birth Control

Got a little story for you Ags, no no, wrong intro...let's try this again shall we?

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it: find me a Biblical citation that specifically mentions the speed limit and consequences for breaking it.

I don't claim to be a Bible scholar but I'm fairly certain that no such passage exists. Then why in the world did I bring it up? Good question -- glad you asked. My mom has a good friend who played an important role in my life; this particular woman decided years ago that the Holy Spirit was convicting her regarding breaking the speed limit. Consequently, she doesn't speed...ever...never. I don't know what aspect of her driving led to the conviction but I don't doubt it's validity. Now I know that just because we receive conviction from the Lord there is no guarantee that we will find direct confirmation in the Word; but then again I also know that one of the ways to stay in touch with God is through prayer and the study of His word. So while the speed limit may not be mentioned I would feel comfortable in making the inference that somewhere this particular lady found a scripture that confirmed the root of her problem and led to the decision not to speed. And the point of this is...?? Her story keeps finding it's way into my conscious thought of late because it seems I find myself in the same conundrum -- except not about speeding...God hasn't said anything about that yet (either that or I'm too thick to listen...)

Now pregnant with our third child (groan...another pregnancy post...) I find myself in a position I never imagined -- beyond the norm. I have more than the 2.14 children that is the average (resisting the urge to make partial child joke...oh and I completely made that average up). Truthfully I assumed it would be two and done and yet here I sit...growing a third. And all this sitting and growing (haha as if I have a chance to actually sit...) has caused me to begin to think about the concept of birth control. And no, not in a funny way -- although there are days that I get to that point too. And so back to the original challenge; I have yet to be able to find a specific Biblical reference regarding birth control. I can find passages referencing the sanctity of life and the command to be fruitful and multiply but as I sit studying and praying, which for me often looks more like debate (thick-headed, remember?), I find this particular problem still a bit muddled. On the one hand should we choose a permanent birth control option we could continue to grow our family if we desire through adoption. On the other, is it my place to decide to shut down the baby factory, to close that door so to speak? At the same time I have no desire to be the next TLC series, living my life with eleventy billion children (yeah that's a made up number). I also know that I don't have to choose a permanent option -- but at this point in my life I don't think I have the brain space to keep up with something like that (3 kids, remember??).

So here's where you come in -- oh wise counsel that you are. Gimme your thoughts. I've read books, I've studied some of your lives, I've prayed and studied and I still feel far from an answer. Now be very clear -- I am not looking for any specific church's doctrinal teachings nor am I looking to begin a debate; I'm not looking for hypotheticals or ideal situational beliefs. I'm after gut-reactions, true thoughts, conclusions you've drawn or reasoning you've developed based on conversations with God and time spent studying.

What am I hoping for? Certainly not an immediate solution to this question or a specific Bible verse I've somehow overlooked but like the speed limit story I'm hoping to dig through attitudes and mindsets (mine, not yours) until I find the one that's causing me to hesistate in making a move in either direction. Hearing your thoughts and opinions will act as bins allowing me to sort through attitudes much like laundry until I find the one I need -- the one that God zings me and says THAT'S THE ONE WE NEED TO DEAL WITH. And then, hopefully, after several long conversations with Him, I'll be able to arrive at a decision.

What a muddled mess that post was! Hopefully you can see my heart through the jungle of words...

*** Yes I purposely left Luke and his position/thoughts out of this -- those conversations and their fruit aren't fodder for this...just dealing with myself on this one.